Today I would like to depart from my regular role here at The Ferm of "poking a stick at The Man" or "angering Houstonians with my personal opinions" and instead dispense a little science. Today's lesson is on condensation.

Working in a mechanical engineering position in the HVAC field, I could readily pull out my trusty Psychrometric chart and start breaking down the properties of air with you guys, but that makes better party conversation than blog reading. I'm assuming that our astute readers already know that condensation is the transition of a vapor to a liquid, so we'll just skip to the good stuff. It is the driver behind the creation of your favorite distilled beverage, it is responsible for the conditioning in your home or office, and it is responsible for all those sweat rings on your coffee table.

Condensation is natural, powerful, beautiful, and even dangerous. In an attempt to deliver today's lesson on condensation in a fun and exciting way, I've chosen to make it into a little educational ditty. I find rhymes make everything more enjoyable. If I did my job right, you'll come out of this not even realizing that you learned something.

Dewed, Hold My Beer
He was hangin' at the sports bar with his crew.
His buddies sporting khaki pants and retro shoes.
His beloved dirt burglars just got shocked by BYU,
But they drown it out with another round of brews.
Rack 'em up, time to break, and grab a pool cue.
While they all start jamming to blink 182,
Dude starts dancing something that looks like kung fu
So he scoops up his beer and beelines for the loo.

"Excuse me!" I proclaim, with my ballyhoo.
"Your ice cold beer should not be wasted, yes this is true,
But the facts of condensation I must first construe.
I won't bore you with a nerd-ish book review.
Confuse you with enthalpy, wet bulb, or BTU.
But this restroom you just brought that drink into
Is filled with saturated air from a patron or two.
You see, urine is a warm and some evaporates too."

"Now look down at the top surface of your cold brew.
That surface, my friend, is now covered with dew.
I know you'll miss your beer, but please think this through.
DON'T TAKE YOUR COLD BEER INTO THE BATHROOM DUDE!!"

Thank You.

3 comments
  1. K Dub September 26, 2009 at 10:19 AM  

    A lesson that I will cherish for the rest of my life. I will do my best to spread the word of this valuable information. I hope all that read this realize that drinking their own and other peoples peepee is kind of gross.

  2. J.R. Ewing September 28, 2009 at 8:33 PM  

    But what if you're really thirsty? Or have condensation proof material?

  3. SirRon September 28, 2009 at 10:43 PM  

    If you are carrying an open container of a cold beverage and you take that beverage into the bathroom, then the top surface area of that cold beverage will be collecting everyone's urine. Just sayin'.