The sport of picking winners is a lot like hamburgers.

Both have European origins. Both can be enjoyed when done simple and quick or with freakish obsession and rigid self-discipline. Both are awesome.

If you want a quick tasty burger, check out Whataburger. If you want a fun football pick’em league, check out Yahoo. Just between the two of us... I nosh on a Yahoo from time to time.

Are you drawn to the exotic? You can find plenty of high stakes “Vic & Anthony’s Burger Friday” type leagues. Those are exquisitely delicious.

Just the mention of hamburgers in the blog title evoked a Pavlovian slobber, didn't it? Pickem-Football.com is that perfect soft and juicy patty with a crunchy exterior. We are the perfect combination of toppings. We are those toppings that you have loved since childhood along with the ones you've added as an aspiring foodie.

A truly great hamburger only needs a few things. Flavor. Texture. Moisture. And the ability to freestyle. We have that.

Rulebooks are great when they are used to keep your city safe or to keep Roger Clemons’ ego in check, but hamburgers don’t need but a few rules.

And why do hamburgers always end? Do you know what is better than a hamburger? How about FOUR delicious and unique hamburgers!

Don’t get me wrong – The recipe for Pickem-Football.com took years to perfect, and it is by no means perfect. However, after a decade in the game, we certainly don’t serve hockey pucks.

RECIPE:
Follow these steps for an incredibly tasty football season

The Meat:

We can debate in the comments, but a great burger must have some kind of meat. Here is our blend.

• 15, College Football Games per week. Picked against the spread. Odds provided for each game.
• 14-16 (all), Professional Football Games per week. Picked straight up (no spread).

Notes on seasoning: On each week’s card for NCAA and NFL games, we will have optional bonus question(s). While these won’t increase your Pick’em score, they are collected and used in the post season games. Bonus points are given to weekly winners, for pay your entry fee early, and for some other random stuff we make up along the way.


The Buns:

With so much emphasis on the meat, the bun seems to have become the forgotten ingredient. Our buns are so good that you could eat them by themselves. Good luck finding delicious buns at ESPN.

• 35 (all), NCAA FBS Bowl Games. Picked confidence pool style, straight up (no spread).
• 11 (all), NFL Playoff Games. Picked week-to-week against the spread, against the spread.

The Accoutrements:

Pickem-Football provides you with the intensely savory flavor and the seasonings, garnish, and condiments are all up to you. This is not your typical stuffy fancy-pants burger or generic corporate burger. We build our masterpiece through a blog, spreadsheets, and email. If you have a last minute submission, then we accept picks by text. We make this stuff up as we go along, folks. Each week will feature bonus opportunities, casual blog posts, smack talk, incomplete sentences. (example from 2011)


How to Order:

If you are ready to take a bite, get your fingers to the Official Registration Form. The cost is $25 for the entire season, which is a bargain considering that you'll be eating the Pick'em burger for five months. That's feeding yourself for something like $0.16 a day! I encourage you to check out the official recruitment blog post over at the league's website: Pickem-Football.com. Or, check out how I predicted that we'd be here together almost six months ago. Destiny.

Heck, if think you might have a hunger pang in the next five months, then I strongly suggest you take a bite of the registration link. Pickem-Football will give meaning to each of your weekends this football season. Fulfillment guaranteed.

For the most part, drafting is a simple concept. You like something, and no one else holds the rights to that liked something, you take it. People probably drafted in a Pavlovian manner back in simpler times. Things have become much more complicated in these Twenty-tens, with Brad Pitt inventing Moneyball and such. We plot on, however, picking great things beer, wine, spirits, food, or lagniappe. This is the 2012 Anything Mock Draught, y'all.

With the second pick in the 2012 Anything Mock Draught, K Dub selects:

Oak Barrels

When you picture the wine making process, what one thing comes to mind? Stomping grapes? Stainless fermentation vessels? Grapes growing on the vine? Well, you might. But being the homebrewer that I am, I think about barrel aging. Barrel aging (especially in the case of most red wines) is the longest part of the wine making process. I don't know how those winemaker guys do it, the constant reminder of ends on ends of stacks and rows of barrels every day. So much delicious liquid just waiting, aging, developing, improving and just waiting for that perfect moment to be bottled and shared with the masses. All thanks to magic that lies within the oak barrel.

So how does a barrel create all that flavor? Well, like most plants there are many variables, soil types, location, breed of plant, climate patterns, etc. On top of environmental factors that the tree goes through during its life, there are only man made factors that can affect a barrel's flavor such as toasting the barrel. So there are literally an unlimited number (well I'm sure J.R. could calculate an exact number) of variables that could affect the final flavor of barrel. And to add to it, no matter how hard the cooperage's try, there are always variations from barrel to barrel. It is common for brewers to have a barrel or two that don't taste right or just plain suck, so instead of blending those two barrels in small amounts with the rest of the bottles to get a higher yield (more bottles to sell), they have been known to dump the barrels.

The same goes with whiskey (I'm guessing here). They taste the barrels, and if a few barrels exhibit great flavors, they get the Grade A Gold Star label and the rest gets blended into the mass marketed items. I'm sure there are exceptions to this, but I don't know what I'm talking about. Thank you oh massive oak tree for giving your life so that human adults (21 years and older) could enjoy liquids that have taken the flavors and aromas that have taken years to develop from your burned cellulose.

It's that time again, for the first time in two years, contributors to "The Ferm" and selected guests will participate in the "Anything" Mock Draught.  The traditional timing of the draft is to coincide with the NFL draft, since sports fans this time of year are inundated with 40 times, Wonderlic scores, vertical leaps, and draft day trade possibilities.  Well the same can be said for the anything mock draft, we've seen participants trade up, I guarantee you our panel of "experts" has been feverishly scouting everything for 24 months now.

A note on why there wasn't a 2011 "Anything" Mock Draught.  It was with heavy hearts that the decision was made that there was no way the spirit of the draught could be upheld in light of the NFL lockout.  So with unanimous consent, we stood arm in arm with the NFL Players Union and joined the fight for their right to buy sports cars, mansions, and go clubbing with heat without worrying about their bank accounts.

For our draft, we do our best to stay within our wheelhouse (that being the drinking universe) and to make it fun. The list of rules is small.

1. The draft consists of three rounds (format is top to bottom, top to bottom -- not snake).
2. The pick (or description) must be drinking related in some way.
3. Picks from previous drafts are off the board.

 We are not an exclusive "league." Guest drafters are encouraged. Anyone wanting a pick can leave a comment on this post, drop us an email, or tweet at us and you'll be slotted in the draft. Over the next few days we will start an open thread, which will be used for announcements and comments on the current and previous draft.

As a kickoff to this years draught, I thought it appropriate to analyze the first two years draughts now that there's been opportunity for emotion to be removed, and real value assessed.  Specifically, we're going to look at each participants ability to fill the positions of food, beer, wine, spirits, and lagniappe (what extra things do your picks bring).  Analysis will also be done on the cohesiveness of the team (how elements can be combined).

And special guest Dr. Drew Pinsky will provide a psychoanalysis of each draughter in light of what their selection reveal about them.

Please use the following references if you want to see more specifics of the previous two draughts:

2009 Inaugural Anything Mock Draught

2010 Anything Mock Draught Round 1 Open Thread

2010 Anything Mock Draught Round 2 Open Thread

2010 Anything Mock Draught Round 3 Open Thread 

So without further ado, in no particular order whatsoever:

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Draughter: Two Pints (@pig1ett2000)

Best Pick: Belgium (huge country that continues to deliver)

Worst Pick: Mini-cocktail umbrellas (all flash, no substance)

Sleeper Pick: Dallas (TV Series): Seriously good show, underrated

Food: B (Belgian Waffles, Dallas BBQ)

Beer: A (Belgian beer, Randall the Enamel Animal)

Wine: F (No real effort made here)

Spirits: C (Aforementioned umbrellas about it)

Lagniappe: B (That Sam Calagione is handsome)

Cohesiveness: B, Two Pints can elope with Sam to Belgium, spend a little time in the water while drinking either the Belgian beer or cocktails with umbrellas (4 of 6)

Dr. Drew Says: Two Pints has an affinity for travel and appreciates good quality beer and good quality TV.  A girl who knows what she wants and how to get it.  Like how to get Sam.  By drafting him.

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Draughter: Mr. Smokeypants

Best Pick: Happy Hour (solid staple of all things The Ferm)

Worst Pick: Shenanigans (just hasn't been enough lately)

Sleeper Pick: Foam in the Dome (the memories just get better and better for that place) 

Food: B (Norris family can cook, happy hour has good food also)

Beer: B (Foam in the Dome, Mos Eisley Cantina, and Happy Hour)

Wine: D (Weak here, but you can get at Happy Hour)

Spirits: A (He drafted Whiskey, well done)

Lagniappe: B (Mos Eisley Cantina excels here)

Cohesiveness: A, Mr. Smokeypants stops by Mos Eisley Cantina at Happy Hour for some whiskey before heading to the Dome for some Foam (meeting the Norris Family there) after which, there will be shenanigans (6 for 6)

Dr. Drew Says: Mr. Smokeypants clearly likes to live life on the wild side, by acquiring Mos Eisley Cantina, drinking whiskey, and inducing Shenanigans.  Luckily he has the Norris family to keep him straight (or find him at the end of the day to make sure he gets home).

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Draughter: K Dub (@K_Dub_02)

Best Pick: Belgo-American Style Beers (Outstanding quality and performance)

Worst Pick: Burping (It kinda just happens, no need to draught)

Sleeper Pick: SAVOR (Completely underrated event)

Food: B (SAVOR carries the day here)

Beer: A (Beers, a Brewing Company, Yeast, and Burping)

Wine: F (Again, not much effort for this category)

Spirits: B (Michael Jackson really bumps it up here)

Lagniappe: C (Another bump from MJ with his character, but the rest of the picks lack spice)

Cohesiveness: B, K Dub heads to Savor for some Belgo-American Style Beers as well as some from Upright Brewing Company, where yeast is prevalent among the products (4 of 6)

Dr. Drew Says: This man knows his good beer and he knows that yeast is the foundation.  A connoisseur of what he likes, having read the works of Michael Jackson, attended SAVOR etc.  The burping keeps him real.

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Draughter: Leslie (@LesNor11)

 

Best Pick: Tailgating (Everyone at The Ferm had their eye on this)

Worst Pick: Lone Star Puzzle Caps (kinda blah performance)

Sleeper Pick: Gary Vaynerchuk (solid pick to dominate the wine category)

Food: B (Tailgating food is some of the best on earth)

Beer: B (Lone Star beer and tailgating, again solid)

Wine: A (Grabbed Gary Vaynerchuk to be strong in this category)

Spirits: C (Some spirits at tailgating, but that's about it)

Lagniappe: B (The puzzle caps are a good booster here)

Cohesiveness: B, Leslie heads to a tailgate where they watch Gary Vaynerchuk and pops her Lone Star long necks for the puzzles (3 for 3, Leslie passed her picks on the second draft).

Dr. Drew Says: Leslie's affinity to take Gary Vaynerchuk first speaks a lot to her oenophiliatic tendency while her love of the puzzle caps shows her playful, fun side.  Seems like she'd be a great guest at any party, particularly tailgates.

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Draughter: J.R. Ewing (@longhorndave)

Best Pick: Oktoberfest (Worldwide popular event that was sure to be snapped up quickly)

Worst Pick: Body Shots (those girls in the photo left when the booze ran out)

Sleeper Pick: Tedeschi Vineyards (the real estate alone is worth this pick)

Food: C (Some brats at Oktoberfest is about it)

Beer: A (Got a brewery, the Fox, and Oktoberfest)

Wine: A (Drafted a winery, the only taken)

Spirits: B (Body shots addresses this category, but could be stronger)

Lagniappe: A (Body shot girls and the Fox add value here)

Cohesiveness: C, Two factions of a team, either Ewing goes to Maui to visit Tedeschi Vineyards with the Body Shot girls during Oktober or hangs out with Hank Hill in his Alley drinking St. Arnold with the Fox (3 of 6).

Dr. Drew Says: Ewing can't decide which direction he wants to go, either hang out with younger girls doing shots, or older guys drinking beer (in the Fox's case, very very fast).  He's still trying to figure out what he wants to be when he grows up.

-----------------------------------------------------------

Draughter: SirRon (@sirrong)

Best Pick: Rob and Amy Cartwright (Delivering on quality and quantity)

Worst Pick: B Vitamins (a reach with a #2 pick)

Sleeper Pick: Food Pairings (huge upside, this niche is growing)

Food: A (Food pairings and a Kitchen Stadium = home run)

Beer: A (Got the Cartwrights, More Beer, and Charlie Papazian, another winning combo).

Wine: F (Like many other participants, no real effort here)

Spirits: C (Drinking game included as well as B Vitamins)

Lagniappe: B (Kitchen Stadium carries this, as does some creativity of picks)

Cohesiveness: B, SirRon uses equipment from MoreBeer and Charlie Papazian's tips to brew some beer with Rob and Amy that pairs well with food.  By the end of the day, B Vitamins prevent a hangover from the affair (5 of 6)

Dr. Drew Says: SirRon really likes brewing and food, as his picks reflect.  Seems like he's the kind of guy everyone wants to know, you'll eat well and drink well and not have a hangover!

-----------------------------------------------------------

Draughter: Other (DosBeerigos, Alexander, Crawford and Dr. Analytics)

Best Pick: American Craft Beer Week (huge event that continues to perform)

Worst Pick: Nick Nolte's Mug Shot (performance is waning)

Sleeper Pick: Meritage (big upside on the California wine front)

Food: A (Taco Bell and Kolache Factory.  Enough Said)

Beer: A (ACBW and a Brewing Company, another big score)

Wine: A (Meritage a solid performer here)

Spirits: C (Maybe Nick Nolte had some before that mug shot)

Lagniappe: C (The mugshot adds here, but overall blah)

Cohesiveness: B, During ACBW, surely some Cigar City is drank, with a late night trip to Taco Bell, and Kolache's in the morning (4 of 6)

Dr. Drew Says: These picks seem to be all over the place, probably because four people contributed.  But it comes together nicely to represent what Americans love...beer, fast food, and Kolaches.

Well here I am, sitting in my chair, watching Jersey Shore (I need my trash reality TV, we'll get to that) and blogging about brewing beer, instead of being outside actually homebrewing a beer. The reason I'm not outside is because I feel like sick-ish, I've been coughing up some crud for the past 24+ hours and I need to get some rest. So this entry is a prelude to my homebrewing session that I'll be doing tomorrow.

I'm a pretty regular listener to the podcasts from The Brewing Network (BN) and one of their shows called The Jamil Show: Can You Brew It attempts to brew clone recipes of popular commercial beers, with great success. One of the beers that I have heard the BN brewcasters rant and rave about for years is the Firestone Walker Union Jack IPA. This beer has won numerous awards including gold at the Great American Beer Festival in 2008 and 2009 (They also won Mid-Size Brewing Company and Mid-Size Brewing Company Brewer in 2011). Winning a medal at GABF is tough, getting one in the IPA catagory is difficult due to the high number of entries (176 entries in 2011), securing a gold medal is amazing and winning gold back to back years is almost impossible. In fact, here's what the crew at Firestone Walker has to say about their award winning IPA:

"An instant classic, Union Jack is the recipient of numerous awards including back to back wins at the Great American Beer Festival. Union Jack is abound with hop aroma and character. In fact this well balanced, west coast IPA is dry hopped 3 separate times, each lot giving it more and more of the grapefruit citrus hop aroma and flavor it is known for. Overall it utilizes over 4 pounds of pacific northwest hops per barrel."

Below is a summary of the recipe, I had to substitute Carastan for Caramalt just like the brewcasters had to do in their version of the recipe.

Recipe Specifics

Batch Size (Gal): 6.00

Wort Size (Gal): 6.00

Total Grain (Lbs): 16.78

Anticipated OG: 1.071 Plato: 17.19

Anticipated SRM: 6.9

Anticipated IBU: 82.2

Brewhouse Efficiency: 70 %

Wort Boil Time: 90 Minutes

Grain/Extract/Sugar

13.75 lbs. Pale Malt(2-row)

1.98 lbs. Munich Malt

0.83 lbs. CaraPilsner

0.22 lbs. Carastan Malt

Hops

0.88 oz. Warrior Pellet 17.00 AA% 61.2 IBUs 90 min.

0.63 oz. Cascade Pellet 7.00 AA% 8.4 IBUs 30 min.

0.63 oz. Centennial Pellet 10.50 AA% 12.6 IBUs 30 min.

1.83 oz. Cascade Pellet 7.00 AA% 0.0 IBUs 0 min.

1.83 oz. Centennial Pellet 10.50 AA% 0.0 IBUs 0 min.

1.55 oz. Cascade Pellet 7.00 AA% 0.0 IBUs 1st Dry Hop

1.55 oz. Centennial Pellet 10.50 AA% 0.0 IBUs 1st Dry Hop

1.06 oz. Cascade Pellet 7.00 AA% 0.0 IBUs 2nd Dry Hop

1.06 oz. Centennial Pellet 10.50 AA% 0.0 IBUs 2nd Dry Hop

0.49 oz. Amarillo Gold Pellet 10.00 AA% 0.0 IBUs 2nd Dry Hop

0.49 oz. Simcoe Pellet 12.40 AA% 0.0 IBUs 2nd Dry Hop

Yeast

White Labs WLP002 English Ale

Mash Schedule

Intermediate Rest Temp : 145 Time: 60 min.

Saccharification Rest Temp : 155 Time: 15 min.

Mash-out Rest Temp : 168 Time: 15 min.

Sparge Temp : 170 Time: 45 min.

Notes

Pitch at 63F and let free rise to 66F

It's been far too long since I've written anything on the greatness that is theferm and now is the time to correct my actions.

As one would expect coming from me, this is an article on beer, specifically making beer at home, or homebrewing if you will. My most recent jaunt in homebrewing came this past weekend as I was wanting to relive our last trip to wine country, a Russian River Sanctification clone. The recipe was taken from Brew Your Own's (BYO) 250 Clone Recipe magazine, with a little of my own modifications which some might call "accidents." But what would homebrewing be without a mishap or two along the way?

After looking through the BYO clone magazine I looked up The Mad Fermentationist's website, and to my dismay he has not blogged about (or none that I could find) a Sanctification clone. He has brewed a Pizza Port Company's Mo' Betta Bretta, which may find it's way into my homebrewery soon enough, and a Russian River Temptation clone though. I myself have 10 gallons of Temptation clone slowly souring at the moment, half of which is on six pounds of cherries. Now Michael Tonsmeire, who is The Mad Fermentationist, is one who has done many sour fermentations as well as other experiments, for a good read get lost in his website.

After a quick Google search I found that there are very few blogs or forum posts similar to the quality of the Mr. Tonsmeire's blog so I thought I would try to attempt my version of a Sanctification clone blog post.

Unlike most beers that are fermented with "traditional" brewers yeast, Sanctification is brewed with wild yeast called brettanomyces. Brettanomyces creates a sourness and tartness that is not present (at least not in perceptable levels) in beer when brewed with brewer's yeast.

An excerpt from Russian River's website states the following on this beer:

"Technically, this is neither an ale nor a lager. The base recipe is for a Golden Ale, but we do the primary fermentation with 100% brettanomyces. The brett gives it some sour notes but not as much as if it had been aged with lacto and pedio. It’s rather refreshing on a warm day!" Lacto and Pedio are references to other kinds of wild yeasts.

I brewed the beer on Sunday (2/19) and it looks like it's fermenting along well right now. I'll let it sit for at least 4 weeks and then I'll either keg it or bottle it with cork and cage like a Belgian beer you'd find in a store. We'll see how it turns out, below is a rundown on ingredients and process to make this beer.

Recipe Specifics

Batch Size (Gal): 6.00

Total Grain (Lbs): 13.25

Anticipated OG: 1.056 Plato: 13.71

Anticipated SRM: 3.9

Anticipated IBU: 33.5

Brewhouse Efficiency: 70 %

Wort Boil Time: 120 Minutes

Grains

11.00 lbs. Pale Malt(2-row)

1.32 lbs. Sauer(acid) Malt

0.93 lbs. Vienna Malt

Hops

1.20 oz. Sterling Pellet 7.00% AA 33.5 60 min.

0.60 oz. Sterling Pellet 7.00% AA 0.0 0 min.

Yeast

Brett Brux (White Labs WLP650) - 3L Starter

Brett Lambicus (White Labs WLP653) - 1L Starter

Lacto Delbrueckiii (White Labs WLP677) - 100mL Starter

Ferment at 72F but let the temperature rise as high as 80F for 3-4 weeks.

3/3/2012 - Tasting today was good, not as tart as I thought it would be, very "brett"-y though. Should turn out interesting at the very least, might be the most approachable all brett beer I've ever tasted.

I always target the football cookie.

Hello football fanatics, casual sports fans, drinking enthusiasts, and web crawling bots from porn sites! You look good. It's great to be home, and when I say home, I mean football season.

This is beautiful. I am really proud to get to speak with you today. Readers, we are at the dawning of the kickoff of the finest part of the twelvemonth. I understand how you feel. It is always darkest before the dawn, but the future is near, y'all. Today we stand up tall, knowing that, depending on when you are reading this message, football season is more or less a month away. I am proud to be writing this letter to you about our mutual standing.

I speak to you today as a football fan, as a guy that knows his way around a Google Docs spreadsheet, and as a Dad... a Dad who put TVs in all the other rooms in the house so the kids won't have an excuse to watch mine, among other things of course. I am just a casual, everyday fan with four TVs tuned to football programming in my living room every weekend. My parents, aunts, cousins, in-laws , sister, wife -- all dead to me when Northwestern kicks off against Purdue at 11:00 AM on a Saturday.

I recon I'm trying to let you know that I'm dedicated to the cause. At the end of the day, I will promise stuff, and nothing is more binding than a promise. Between you and me, I run the best, most funnest football season companion game you will find anywhere on this awesome, but slowly wilting Earth. I'm not just saying, but I'm literally just saying.

Some of you missed our plea last year, and this communication is to convince you to sign up and play with me. Truth be told, that is what I'm trying to do here. I assure you that joining the Pickem-Football 2011 family doesn't hurt in any way. Hey folks, it may even save your life! Unfortunately, not everyone understands the long term benefits of joining us at Pickem-Football. Some people don't even believe it will save their lives. No, some people choose to continue down their path of unenlightenment. Some of those people may even try to prove to me they are enlightened without Pickem-Football. Merriam-Webster.com defines enlightenment as "the act or means of enlightening." Need I say more?

I want to use another word. Solidarity. I looked it up and it means a unity based on common interests. Pickem-Football is like Solidarity+™. We are good people with varied interests that get together around a common game and make the World a better place. Pickem-Football is like a movement. A movement of genuine Solidarity+™.

I write this letter to you because I know in my heart that the Internet is where real integrity can be found. And courage. Football season is quite long, and it requires sacrifice and moral incorruptibility. Pledging yourself to Pickem-Football will protect you from other forces that may seek to leach away your free time, like YouTube related videos or the dishes. We will protect you from destruction, unless destruction is necessary for us to achieve our goals as a league, wherein you may be tasked with carrying out a significant portion of the destruction. This communication will be done discretely and not through your corporate email.

Make no mistake, readers. You are winning. You are a beautiful (I'm talking on the inside, nothing creepy), veracious, and courageous individual. Sure, we are chock full of yous here at Pickem-Football, but I firmly believe that you can't have too much of a good thing. (Except pancakes. Seriously, has anyone ever made it through a full stack?)
Now, I know exactly what you are asking yourself.

You: "I'm intimately familiar with myself, but I want to know more about this game."

Me: "First of all, that isn't a question. But second, I thought you would never ask."

Every week of the regular football season I will email and post on Pickem-Football.com a Google Docs form containing:

• 15 NCAA football games and odds (you pick against the spread)
  
• Every NFL football game (usu. 14-16 games, you pick straight up)
  
• For NCAA and NFL games, there will be some optional bonus questions. While these won't increase your Pick'em score, they are collected and used in the post season games. I dole out bonus points for weekly winners, people you pay their entry fee early, and some other random stuff I make up along the way.

We also continue on after the season with an NCAA Bowl Challenge Contest and an NFL Playoff Contest. Folks, that is over five months of football picking. Do you know what our government will waste in those five months? Trillions. Maybe. I really don't know. I do know that Pickem-Football will cost you a measly $25 (payable anytime throughout the season). My friends, nothing is more fiscally responsible than signing up for five months of meaningful life for around $0.16/day. (Meaningful life is not available at any price during the baseball season.)

You: "Wait -- what?"

Me: "I'll recap."

The Games:

1. NCAA Pick'em
   
   1. 15 games picked per week, my selections
      
   2. Players score one point per correct pick
      
   3. Games are picked against the spread (I provide the odds and they are fixed when the card is posted)
      
   4. Example card
      
   5. The player with the most points when the season is over wins
      
   6. Payout: 1^st Place 25% pot, 2^nd Place 10% of pot (Total = 35% pot)
      
2. NFL Pick'em
   1. Every NFL game is on the card, usually 14-16 games per week
      
   2. Players score one point per correct pick
      
   3. Games are picked straight up (no spread)
      
   4. Example card
      
   5. The player with the most points when the season is over wins
      
   6. Payout: 1^st Place 25% pot, 2^nd Place 10% of pot (Total = 35% pot)
      
3. NCAA Bowl Pick'em Challenge
   1. A confidence pool style game that includes every bowl game and incorporates your accumulated bonus points from the NCAA Pick'em contest
      
   2. The Bowl Pick'em Challenge card is emailed as a spreadsheet
      
   3. All picks are due before the bowl games begin
      
   4. The player with the most points wins
      
   5. Example (blog post)
      
   6. Payout: 1^st Place 15% pot
      
4. NFL Playoff Pick'em
   1. A Vegas style wagering format that includes all playoff games
      
   2. The NFL Playoff Pick'em cards are emailed in spreadsheet format weekly during the playoffs
      
   3. Points are "wagered"
      
   4. Picks are against the spread
      
   5. Example (blog post)
      
   6. Payout: 1^st Place 15% pot
      

100% of what comes in goes out to the people. What do you think of that, Teabaggers?

To wrap up. Courage. Solidarity. Destruction. Pancakes. America.

Joining starts here! Joining starts now! I guarantee the only thing you will regret is that you didn't just skip all the way to the bottom of this letter and CLICK THIS REGISTRATION LINK.

God bless you all, and God bless Football!

That is me, fervently pulling levers, turning wheels,
flicking switches, and pushing buttons.

One of the men behind one of the curtains.
Readers, today I am going to let you in on a little secret. I've been leading multiple online lives. Is it misleading? Maybe. Is it a little creepy? Probably. Do I like asking softball questions to myself and then answering them in non-absolutes? Perhaps.

I absolutely believe that you can't have too many Blogger identities and Twitter handles. You probably aren't aware, but I have another thing going on that I want to come clean about today. 

I run a football pick'em league.

Football season is unquestionably the best time of the year. That means that you can't question it. But if I was forced to prove it, I would ask you to accept my invitation to join my pick'em league. This is no creative writing project. This is real. I've been doing this for a decade.

What it is:

1. NCAA Pick'em Contest – 15 games each week, picks are against the spread, ~14 weeks
   
2. NFL Pick'em Contest – All the NFL games each week (typically 14-16), picks are straight up, ~17 weeks
   
3. NCAA Bowl Challenge – Confidence pool style NCAA bowl game
   
4. NFL Playoff Challenge – Vegas style weekly wagers against the spread
   

The first two contests are good for about 18 weeks of game picking enjoyment. After that, you'll get an exciting few months of excitingly different post-season excitement for the low, low price of…

But wait, there is more.
This is not your typical stuffy office league or impersonal big box online league. I make this stuff up as I go along. Each week will feature bonus opportunities, casual blog posts, smack talk, incomplete sentences.

Still on the fence?
I just checked this year's Official Registration Form responses… and a baby is playing this year. That's right, a baby! I might also mention to you that one year the NCAA contest was won by a girl who didn't know she was picking the games against the spread, but that may make us all look like we aren't very good, and Crystal may take offense that I called her a girl and not a chica, or that I used her name… but whatever.

The cost is $25. I'm not a mathematician, and I don't feel like busting out a calculator, but that is probably somewhere around a dollar a week. I'm just saying that you can probably fish a buck a week out of a fountain somewhere or swipe it off of a Buddha at a Thai restaurant if you are really hard up. What I'm trying to tell you is that this Pick'em game is a bargain. 

So here is my promise to you:
I guarantee to deliver the most bestest football picking game kissed with randomness and sometimes on the spot rule changes than you will find anywhere on the internets. This is like the Waffle House of football pick'em games.

My guess is that if you haven't already clicked over to the Official Registration Form, you are racing around your screen with your mouse trying to find that link after reading the words "Waffle House." Let's hope that recruitment tactic is more effective than my explanation of pyramid schemes I sent out last year. 

This promotion is now over, but I encourage you to check out the official recruitment blog post over at the league's website: Pickem-Football.com. If you are ready to give meaning to each of your weekends this football season, summon up the courage to fill out the Official Registration Form. I promise this game will make watching football a whole lot more interesting. Guaranteed or my money back.

UPDATE: Hop right into the game by filling out the making your Week 1 picks and leaving your name and email in the form.

5/17/10 8:27 PM
For reference, below is the order for the 3rd round.

1. Mr. Smokeypants
2. J.R. Ewing (@longhorndave)
3. Two Pints (@pig1ett2000)
4. K Dub (@K_Dub_02)
5. The Ferm (@DosBeerigos)
6. Leslie (@LesNor11)
7. SirRon (@sirrong)


3rd Round Pick Index:

1. (15) Mr. Smokeypants: Whiskey
2. (16) J.R. Ewing: Tedeschi Vineyards at Ulupalakua Ranch
3. (17) Two Pints: Mini Cocktail Umbrellas
4. (18) K Dub: Burping
5. (19) The Ferm of DosBeerigos.com: Taco Bell
6. (20) Crawford (from Leslie): Nick Nolte's mugshot
7. (21) SirRon: MoreBeer
   

Round 2 Recap

1. Mr. Smokeypants
   Foam in the Dome
   
   
   
   
   
2. J.R. Ewing
   Bill "The Fox" Foster
   
   
   
   
   
3. Two Pints
   Dallas (TV Series)
   
   
   
   
   
4. K Dub
   Upright Brewing Company
   
   
   
   
   
5. The Ferm of DosBeerigos.com
   Cigar City Brewing Company
   
   
   
   
   
6. Alexander (via Leslie)
   Meritage
   
   
   
   
   
7. SirRon
   Kitchen Stadium
   
   
   

5/17/10 8:28 PM
Mr. Smokeypants is on the clock.

5/24/10 8:00 AM
With American Craft Beer Week behind us, let's get back to the mock draught.

5/26/10 10:23 AM
With the 15th pick in the 2nd Annual 2010 "The Ferm" Anything Mock Draught, Mr. Smokeypants selects... Whiskey

Chalmun at the Cantina is tired of me bumming off the Norris tab at happy hour.
So, I’ll finally draft a DRINK.
Whiskey for everyone. On me. Screw you, wookie. Now it’s free, behatch.

Though I don't always drink whiskey, when I do, I prefer bourbon (among many, a great friend has been Knob Creek: Drink Life Deeply).
Nevertheless, whether it’s Scotch, Irish, Tennessee, or even Canadian (meh), I’ll take it on the rocks.
Straight up, that works too. Especially in a flask. Just remember to screw that top on tight.
Add water, fine.
Soda, I’ll bleepin kill you, fool. No, I’m just kiddin. Seriously, I will rip your arm out of its socket.

With this diverse member of the team, I’m also taking dibs on Willie Nelson’s fabled Whiskey River and the band Whiskeytown (that means you, Ryan Adams).

And I’ve still got 2 prospects on my draught board. Score. Till next year, stay drinky my friends.

5/26/10 2:15 PM
J.R. Ewing is on the clock.

5/26/10 7:41 PM
With the 16th pick in the 2nd Annual 2010 "The Ferm" Anything Mock Draught, J.R. Ewing selects... Tedeschi Vineyards at Ulupalakua Ranch

Having brought in some solid beer and liquor prospects into the fold, it was time to find someone to play the wine position. I admit I'm not a flavor connoisseur, so my pick will lean more toward intangibles, such as location, location, location. Look no further than the Tedeschi Vineyards at Ulupalakua Ranch, Maui, Hawaii. If you go to Maui and read this blog, it's a must stop. The tasting room is open 7 hours a day, 7 days a week. Three free tours a day as well, it sucks when you get to your favorite vineyard and are locked out. It's in the "upcountry", which is code for "the beautiful hills heading up to the volcano peak". The draft intangibles are oozing. It's 2000 feet from sea level, which means cooler temps and nice breezes (temps don't vary from summer to winter much). Yet minutes from the beautiful beaches of Maui. And 20,000 acres, I say, 20,000 acres of Hawaiian land with a beautiful view. Can't beat that with a 3rd round pluck.

5/26/10 8:38 PM
Two Pints is on the clock.

6/2/10 5:14 PM
With the 17th pick in the 2nd Annual 2010 "The Ferm" Anything Mock Draught, Two Pints selects... Mini Cocktail Umbrellas

That’s right, I'm snatching up those cute little umbrellas they put in tropical drinks to hold down chunks of fruit and whatnot. How cool are these? They even open and close! One night SirRon and I were having dinner at a restaurant when we spotted my old boyfriend from high school across the bar. This toolbox -- the same boy who notified me that we broke up by making out with his new g/f in the hallway between classes -- is drinking a pink girly drink with a tiny umbrella in it. After catching our breath from all the laughing, we each took a hit off our own drinks, which happened to be served in his and her Buddha and Geisha containers. We decided two things that day: We are glad he holds the title of "ex", and (more importantly) tiny umbrellas are the S*!#.

My final pick of the 2010 Anything Mock Draught is in honor of those adorable tiny umbrellas. I dedicate this to anyone who is man/woman enough to order a fru-fru decorated tropical drink.

Cheers! ...And you can stand under my under my mini umbrella (Ella ella eh eh eh) Under my mini umbrella (Ella ella eh eh eh eh eh eh)...

6/2/10 7:56 PM
K-Dub is on the clock.

6/3/10 11:37 AM
With the 18th pick in the 2nd Annual 2010 "The Ferm" Anything Mock Draught, K-Dub selects... Burping.

What...is...up? How could I forget one of my favorite adult beverage consumption side activities, BURPING. Drinking carbonated beverages often times results in consuming....well....carbonated gas. And while I enjoy processing said carbonated product, I typically prefer to remove as much as possible through the age old classic of mouth evacuating said gas. Also known as belching, ructus and eructation, burping is fun, enjoyable, and often times humorous. Although often seen as an impolite act in the United States, in other parts of the world belching is considered a compliment to the host. So celebrate other cultures around the planet and open one's mind to wide world of burping, because farting stinks.

6/3/10 3:46 PM
The Ferm from DosBeerigos.com is on the clock.

6/3/10 4:28 PM
With the 19th pick in the 2nd Annual 2010 "The Ferm" Anything Mock Draught, The Ferm from DosBeerigos.com selects... Taco Bell.

Wait....what does Taco Bell have to do with drinking? I think the real question is what doesn't Taco Bell have to do with drinking. Taco Bell is wonderful drunk food at an affordable price. Who doesn't love the Open till 4am sign after a long night of Boozing. ForthMeal should be an official meal especially while drinking. Now if they only delivered....that would be magical. The sober person in the room will have to do for deliveries until Taco bell realizes what they are missing out on.

There is even a Facebook Group for Drunk Taco Bell Eating!

Here is to Taco Bell, helping to fill my tummy with food after a long night of drinking.

6/3/10 4:35 PM
Leslie is on the clock.

6/6/10 10:35 PM
Leslie relinquishes her final pick to Crawford for a Neil Diamond Greatest Hits CD.

6/6/10 10:36 PM
Crawford is on the clock.

6/7/10 10:48 AM

Kids! Apparently two blog posts does not a team member make. Although I didn’t get a 2010 Anything Mock Draught invite, I have been reading that Leslie’s picks can be bought very inexpensively. (See that Specs, Leslie is not cheap, she is inexpensive. Not that I am trying to say that Leslie, the person, can be bought, or that if she could it would be for a trivial amount of money. I have never even met Leslie. Apparently she is some breakfast cereal ad wiz in New York City. I wonder if after a late night cranking out cereal commercials if she ever hits a diner and has breakfast for dinner. Nothing like a little reversal satire! Ha ha ha!)

Why exactly has the diner concept not really caught on outside of the Northeast/New England area? The diverse, inexpensive, 100+ item menus are ideal for patrons at any stage of hunger. Not to mention the fact they are nearly perfect meals after those casual evening “meetings” go long into the night. Speaking of long meetings, I’m reminded of recent weekend energy conference I attended in Denver. On Friday evening, a colleague and I broke away from the HVAC tour of Pespi Center to instead grab a steak at Denver Chophouse & Brewery. If you have seen one variable air volume energy recovery unit with integrated active sensing controls and an enthalpy wheel, you have seen them all.

Readers, I will never see a dime from the Denver Chophouse & Brewery for this advertisement, but I want to tell you that the next time your work takes you to Denver, you have to drop by for a remarkable steak and their impressive house beers. We overindulged in both, left a hefty tip, and headed to the legendary Wynkoop Brewing Company. According to their ads in the airport, newspaper, train stops, billboards, hotel, cab, back of their menu, etc., Wynkoop is Colorado’s first brewpub. Readers, I will never see a dime from Wynkoop for this advertisement, but I want to tell you that the next time your work takes you to Denver, there are much better places to find beer and food than the Wynkoop. Oye. It seriously took three or four pints to find something that was not off-putting. However, Wynkoop does have a really great pool hall on the second floor of the building. Once up there, we gravitated toward the shuffleboard tables. As my daughter would say, I pwned that shuffleboard table. The establishment also had something they called an Internet Jukebox on the second floor (I assume that means there are not any records inside). I am not really sure how an Internet Jukebox works, but I know if you put a Jackson up in that thing, you can play Neil Diamond’s greatest hits all night long. America.

Fresh off an immense winning feeling from shuffleboarding, and just a little sweaty, my loser colleague and I decided to hit up one more bar before calling it a night. ESPN Zone would have been a great option, but apparently they keep Mickey Mouse hours. A street folk of questionable character suggested we go to Coyote Ugly. I seem to remember a movie by the same name. Like Showgirls with a bar setting, I believe. I hoped the Ugly would have a pool table or a dart board so I could put another beat down on my colleague.

On the way, we belt out an impressive a capella interpretation of Sweet Caroline (chorus only, of course). Coyote Ugly is located on the second floor of an open-air mall-like building. To get there, we step on an outdoor escalator that was reminiscent of the ones in the Washington D.C. subway system (non-travelers, this means it was really long). I start another perfect pitched “Sweeeeeet Car-ooo-liiiinne” and my colleague screams the loudest, drunkest, echoing “bah bah bah baaaaaah” you could imagine. Good times never seem so good, friends. Unfortunately our performance had caught the attention of a few cops. By the looks on their faces, I could tell they had not enjoyed our beautiful noise.

The ride to the top felt like minutes, because literally this was one of the tallest, slowest escalators I have ever been on. I certainly would not be passing a field sobriety test this night, but I also was no menace to society. I remember thinking, “This can’t be happening. I can’t get arrested. What will my coworkers think? What will my family think? This is not how I want to be remembered.”

Kids, Crawford is not afraid of getting arrested. If I were ever to get arrested, I want to it to be spectacular. Not after shuffleboarding at the Wynpoop on the way to see a bar where they promote their dancers but call themselves “Ugly.” When I file my first photo with the authorities, I want it to be a good one.

With the 20th pick in the 2nd Annual 2010 "The Ferm" Anything Mock Draught, Crawford selects... Nick Nolte's mugshot.

After what must have been a heck of a good time, California Highway Patrol scooped up Actor Nick Nolte on September 11, 2002. Kids, I am certainly not advocating driving under the influence (I prefer to drink at home because I have better stuff). What I am saying is that if I were to get picked up, I want my mugshot to be a proper representation of the time I had before getting arrested. When I see Nick's mugshot, I can fill in the blanks on how his night went without being given the backstory. That night in Denver, I had on a button-up Polo shirt, my hair was still in place, and my shuffleboard perspiration was nearly dry. I was in no condition for a mugshot picture.

Nick Nolte's mugshot even has its own Twitter feed! Kids, if you are going to dream... dream big.

(in case you were wondering, the fuzz just sent us back down the escalator. *whew*)

6/7/10 11:04 AM
SirRon is on the clock.

6/8/10 2:59 PM

In 1996, around the time of my 21st birthday, Two Pints and I stumbled upon a beer making kit in the appliance/gadget section of a department store.

Hold up, you can make beer in a plastic barrel?!

Why had no one told me about the loophole that you buy beer ingredients at any age… because it isn’t alcohol yet?!

This. Changes. Everything.

I purchased the Mr. Beer Deluxe Edition kit for ~$30-$40 and headed home to begin cheating the system.

Brewing: Clean the 2 gallon plastic barrel and parts, assemble, partially fill with water, open can raw beer stuff, pour in a pot, add some sugar, boil with water, pour into plastic barrel, sprinkle yeast packet on top, place under the sink. Blam! The chances of this actually being beer are slim to none.

Bottling: Seven days later… Complete 28th fist bump with roommate RE: making beer at home, clean 1 quart plastic Mr. Beer bottles and caps, add sugar to each bottle, fill bottles using the convenient spigot on the plastic barrel, screw cap on, put bottles back under the sink, taste what is left in the barrel, comment that kind of tastes like beer.

Carbonation: Squeeze the bottles several times a day, fist bump with roommate the first time one of the bottles becomes hard to squeeze, put the first hard bottle in the fridge for “quality control,” remove fruit and milk from the refrigerator to make room, place all bottles in fridge after seven days. Thank you sweet baby gods of beer! This tastes almost like a real beer!

Fast forward to sometime between the celebrated and the real turn of the millennium, I had sidelined my brewing career for several years. By this time I had graduated from The University of Texas, moved to Houston, gotten married, and took a job working for The Man. While moving apartments, I came across my old Mr. Beer plastic barrel and accessories. My recipe cans were all way past their expiration date (I checked), but a quick Google search indicated that you can still buy recipe mixes… which of course I did. I few batches into my resurrected Mr. Beer career, I was ready to take this hobby to another notch. Brewing in the Mr. Beer plastic barrel reminded me too much of college. I had a job now. I could afford much better beer.

One fateful day of surfing the web at work, I typed "brew beer home" into Google. Apparently homebrewing had a counterculture I was completely unaware existed! I retired my Mr. Beer 2-gallon system that day.

Before I make my pick, I want to give a shout out to DeFalcos (who sold me my first *real* homebrewing starter kit) and Austin Homebrew (one of my favorite mail order stores when I want something delivered quick). However...

With the 21st and FINAL pick in the 2nd Annual 2010 "The Ferm" Anything Mock Draught, SirRon selects... MoreBeer.com.

For my final pick in this draught, I’m selecting the largest, arguably the greatest, and the most respected homebrewing supply shop in the World. I am a kid and MoreBeer is my candy store.

When I talk about homebrewing to those unfamiliar with the craft, I often get asked: “Is it cheaper to make it at home?” I suppose that theoretically it could be less expensive, but it isn’t in my experience. (I wonder how many people pick up hobbies to save money anyway.) Like most of us who haven’t successfully convinced the corner store clerk to give him the correct pin numbers to the multi-state Powerball reserve fund, I have sunk thousands of my unquestionably tapped financial resources in this hobby. Like all hobbies, the payoff is in more than just the final result. (Make no mistake, the final result is almost always quite enjoyable.)

Four years ago, after saving unsuccessfully for years, I took my hobby up several notches and purchased a BrewSculpture from MoreBeer. A BrewSculpture is like a mini-brewhouse and is genuinely a functional work of art. The system has fully digital microprocessor controls, my friends. My B3 1550 may not necessarily enhance my zymurlogical exploits, but it surely makes them a good deal nerdier, only like in a totally awesome way. My neighbors may not know it, but on brew day I’m undoubtedly the coolest person on the block. Thanks MoreBeer. Cheers!

6/8/10 3:47 AM
The 2010 TheFerm.org Anything Mock Draught is complete.