Kids!

What do you know good?

Being that this is my first post on this blog and all, let me introduce myself. My name is Crawford Crapitto, CEM. I enjoy a drink or two every now and again. I am Vice President of Services down at the Solutions branch of the local utility. I have got a wife, a teenage daughter, and dog named Boozer. Seriously, if I tell you more I'm sure you'll be stalking me when I insult your favorite beverage -- and let's be honest, if you are reading this humdrum site then you probably need my help.

How did I get here? I stumbled across the site while Googling "what kind of cheese goes in a kolache" last Tuesday afternoon. While I didn't get any flipping cheese help, now I know that Minute Maid Park stocks like 87 different sizes of cups. Overall I found TheFerm to be satisfactory. It has got tabs up top for "Beer" (check), "Wine" (my cellar is stocked!), "Spirits" (hah hah, not ghosts), and a few other German items. However, I was searching around between meetings today and could not find any thoughts on actual beverages. Kolache contests, random news, a schizophrenic interview… but no drinking advice.

Problem solved kids. During my 3:00 PM strategic planning teleconference I broke out my Crackberry (my daughter calls it that) and emailed SirRon (not his real name it turns out). He shot a message right back, which was disturbing given it was the middle of a work day. After a few more back-and-forths, it was like we were old drinking buddies. I like that young man. He reminds me of a younger, less successful me with twice as many kids as necessary. Long story short, he gave me the keys to the company car, and I am ready to get this site rolling.

Full disclosure: I do not have any blog experience. However, I have been told I can email my posts to the admins over at TheFerm and they will take care of the rest. Thanks in advance Candee! Lesson #1 kids, delegate. (Although I plan on grammar checking these before I send them, that young girl cannot even spell her own name.)

My journey to this post's beverage selection starts at Whole Foods. Despite all of the smelly hippies and tiny architects pondering which of the 31 flavors of granola to buy, I prefer Whole Foods to my other local grocery. Sure, there is a Kroger across the street, but there are way too many "people who live in large apartment complexes" (yeah, I remember my sensitivity training) shopping there for comfort, if you know what I am saying. Whole Foods has a sound selection of beers. They also sell singles, which allows me to make my own six packs without having to resort to the sneakery I must perform at Krogers. I put together five Sierra Nevada Celebration Ales and one Twisted Tea (the commercial said it was Man-Tea… sold!).

When I get to the checkout, there is this man buying like 10 pounds of salmon. What is this guy, a bear? I looked the other direction, because while everyone thinks bears are so cute, bears kill. What is the cutest bear you know? That bear you are thinking of right now will kill you.

Seriously, I will maul you just to get that
cutesy look off your face. Just sayin'.

I am still avoiding any eye contact and fail to notice when the bear clears out. Ziggy the check out guy must have already initiated some sort of check out guy small talk, which I obviously had not reciprocated. I assume this because he had a look on his face like I chopped down his favorite thinking tree. Whatever. He could also be in a bad mood after hearing the news of the Massachusetts Senate election. Sorry Zig, it looks like my family will not be footing the bill next time you take too much acid.

Tonight is not my first dance with Celebration Ale. If I was marooned on a desert island and could only take one beer, Celebration would be on my short list. Not only is Celebration Ale delicious, it embodies everything I think the perfect beer should be. It is full flavored, very hoppy, and bottle conditioned, yet it is readily available at stores everywhere (i.e. I do not have to promise the creepy beer guy at the local liquor warehouse a Cuban cigar just so he will reserve a sixer in the back for me). Being bottle conditioned, I try to hold one or two Celebration Ales back every year so that someday I can have an epic vertical tasting. I currently have about four or five vintages in the cellar. To top it all off, this beer is seasonal, so the "for a limited time" or "while supplies last" mystique applies.

Well kids, until next time, imbibe that! You can thank me later or in the comment section.

(This has got to be the easiest check I have ever cashed.)

3 comments
  1. J.R. Ewing January 23, 2010 at 9:20 AM  

    Welcome aboard Crawford, nice opening piece.

  2. K Dub February 3, 2010 at 5:04 PM  

    Indeed, welcome. Nice piece, that's what she said.

  3. cd for Crawford February 3, 2010 at 10:03 PM  

    I'll enjoy whipping out a piece from time to time for you kids. -cc