Making a mockery of mock since 2009.

5/10/10 12:10 PM - Round 1 is complete!
1st Round Pick Index:

  1. Dr. Analytics (from Mr. Smokeypants through Leslie): The Kolache Factory
  2. J.R. Ewing: Saint Arnold Brewing Company
  3. Two Pints: Water
  4. K Dub: SAVOR: An American Craft Beer & Food Experience
  5. The Ferm of American Craft Beer Week
  6. Mr. Smokeypants: Shenanigans
  7. SirRon: Rob and Amy Cartwright
4/29/10 3:22 PM
Mock draft announcement. I really couldn't have said it better myself.

5/3/10 9:20 AM
The draft order (picked randomly) is set.

1. Mr. Smokeypants
2. J.R. Ewing (@longhorndave)
3. Two Pints (@pig1ett2000)
4. K Dub (@K_Dub_02)
5. The Ferm (@DosBeerigos)
6. Leslie (@LesNor11)
7. SirRon (@sirrong)
5/3/10 12:50 PMMr. Smokeypants is on the clock. Apparently he is considering moving back and is currently shopping the pick.

5/3/10 3:56 PM
There has been a trade! Kirby has traded his pick to Leslie for an "I'm With Coco" rubber bracelet.

5/3/10 3:57 PM
Leslie is now on the clock.

5/3/10 4:17 PM
Dr. Analytics buys the #1 pick from Leslie for a house plant and an oven mitt. Dr. Analytics is now on the clock.

5/3/10 4:29 PM

With the 1st pick in the 2nd Annual 2010 "The Ferm" Anything Mock Draught, Dr. Analytics selects... The Kolache Factory

For the unacquainted, a Kolache (pronounced ko-lah-chee) is a pastry of Czech origins with fruit or cheese fillings. A meat filled bread roll, think pigs in a blanket, is sometimes referred to as a klobasnek. At Kolache Factory, they only worry about stuffing bread with a spectacular variety of sweet and savory deliciousness, like BBQ Beef, Italian Chicken, Potato Egg and Cheese, Ranchero, Cherry, or this month’s special the Not-So-Sloppy-Joe. Whatever you are drinking, there is a kolache on the menu that will pair favorably. If you find yourself on the back end of a session, there are plenty of kolache options to get you back to 100%.

According to Analytics, many a Googler is curious to find more out about these delicious little buns. That is why I have bought my way into the top pick in the 2010 Anything Mock Draught to proudly select The Kolache Factory. My first order of business will be to get the Jalapeño Popper a permanent spot on the menu. Just sayin’.
5/3/10 4:35 PMJ.R. Ewing is now on the clock.

5/4/10 9:18 AM
Welcome to Day 2 of the draught. After some unsuccessful (?) trade attempts yesterday, I'm assuming that J.R. is readying his pick.

5/4/10 2:47 PM
Since it has not been mentioned yet in this year's iteration of the Anything Mock Draught, I would like to take this opportunity credit this whole thing to Sean "The Cablinasian" Pendergast (of Jim Rome's Smack Off fame) and John "The Professor" Harris (of fame and just general football brainiac). The two have a radio gig over at 1560AM The Game in Houston from 3-7 PM. One fateful day a little over two years ago, they started voicing their frustrations about NFL mock drafts. This discussion spurred an impromptu "draft" they dubbed the Seinfeldian Mock Draft -- a draft about nothing. The first pick was Cal pole vaulter Allison Stokke. The next... Chickipedia. By year two, the Seinfeldian Mock Draft was a full-fledged event. It was Sean and John's signature annual show.

Listen to the 2009 Seinfeldian Mock Draft Highlights - Powered by

While driving home from work and listening the 2nd annual draft, TwoPints turned to me and said (something like), "Why don't we do one of these on the website." The original idea for an anything draft is utterly genius, but it was the simple suggestion to copy the idea that is almost equally genius. It seems right to throw the cliché into this paragraph that imitation is the sincerest form of flattery. Bravo Sean and John! Cheers TwoPints!

If you find our adaptation even mildly entertaining, check out Travis Rodger’s (longtime producer of the Jim Rome show and currently of the great sports blog Travis Rodgers Now) pick in the 2010 Seinfeldian Mock Draft. Out-freaking-standing. Rack him!

Listen to the Travis Rodger's pick in the 2010 Seinfeldian Mock Draft - Powered by

5/4/10 10:07 PM
First of all, coincidence or "fix" that I've received the second pick two years in a row? The bribes have worked! Unable to move the second overall pick in what I consider a deep draft, I had to go with the obvious...interestingly passed over last year it was on my short list, but has really improved in the offseason. It went from an off the beaten path brewery to a downtown, custom built brewery that has ingrained itself in the fabric of Houston. Improved from 22.7K barrels to 25.7K barrels with new capacity up to 120K barrels per year.
With the 2nd pick in the 2nd Annual 2010 "The Ferm" Anything Mock Draught, J.R. Ewing selects... the award winning, great tasting, Saint Arnold Brewery.
This pick rounds out my last years selections of an event to drink at, a place to drink, and hotties to do shots with. Now I have the production capacity to produce my own beverages!

5/5/10 8:30 AM
Two Pints is now on the clock.

5/5/10 1:49 PM
With the 3rd pick in the 2nd Annual 2010 "The Ferm" Anything Mock Draught, Two Pints selects... Water
Water? Wait, what? This is the little pick I’ve been holding close to the vest since last year. I can’t believe my fellow Anything Mock Draughters didn’t snatch this one up. Big Mistake! Huge!

Here’s why water is the coolest and belongs in the first round of the draft:

1. It covers about 70% of the Earth’s surface, so there’s a lot of it.

2. The cool factor, which sounds better a.) I’ll have a scotch on the rocks or b.) I’ll have a scotch (no water, no rocks)

3. Water is 1 of 4 major ingredients for making beer. Homebrewers should have been all over this.

4. As any civilized drinker knows it’s best to drink water while partaking in a drinking session, at the very least (and this is more my way of doing things) drink it at the end of a drinking session so you don’t wake up with your lips stuck to your gums. (Who knows what I’m talking about?)

5. As a personal preference I’d prefer to take my vitamin B complex with a glass of water. If you have it with a bottle of beer, it just ends up burning your nose and making your eyes water. (Trust me on this one fellas, I’ve gone that route, think mouth full of wasabi…feel the burn)

6. A human’s body is made up of approximately 70 – 75% water, without it you’d be, like, Gollum or something.

7. Oh yeah and cool factor number 7… (Drum roll)… It’s totally necessary to sustain life… on any planet… at least life as we define it… so take that Universe! Water is mine now. Even our rocket scientist’s 1st round pick, St. Arnolds, needs water.

There it is. Now I know you guys are feeling about two feet tall right now, you know having passed up this kick-butt pick and all, but it is cool. That’s why ya’ll have me around. To keep you in check… and alive… Go WATER!
5/5/10 1:59 PM
K Dub is now on the clock.
5/6/10 8:49 AM
With the 4th pick in the 2nd Annual 2010 "The Ferm" Anything Mock Draught, K Dub selects... SAVOR: An American Craft Beer & Food Experience

I've thought long and hard about my pick and I'm confident that this may cause a rift in the Two Pints' or SirRon's board, if not, then whatever. A must attend for any food and beer lover, this annual event is held in the highest of regards by the craft beer community. Combining a couple of K Dub's favorite things, SAVOR is surely an experience that will need to be experienced following next year's Anything Mock Draft, as the 2010 session is 100% sold out.
5/6/10 9:21 AM
Dos Beerigos is now on the clock.

5/6/10 10:14 AM
With the 5th pick in the 2nd Annual 2010 "The Ferm" Anything Mock Draught, The Ferm from selects... American Craft Beer Week.
Yes this week of Epic Proportions is a nation wide celebration of craft beer. Beer lovers, craft brewers, homebrewers, beer distributors, and retailers are all making special plans for the annual American Craft Beer Week taking place across the country May 17-23. The "Mother of All Beer Weeks" celebrates small and independent craft brewers and is a chance to highlight all that the U.S. loves about craft beer. In 2006, the week became the largest national effort focusing on American craft brewers and remains so today. Check out more information at
5/6/10 4:01 PM
Mr. Smokeypants (via trade with Leslie) is now on the clock.

5/7/10 2:40 PM
With the 6th pick in the 2nd Annual 2010 "The Ferm" Anything Mock Draught, Mr. Smokeypants selects... Shenanigans.
Hailing from origins unknown at 155 years-old, this sneaky selection shows us that tricks aren’t just for kids. While its birth may be uncertain and obscure, earliest reports are from San Francisco and Sacramento. Possibly introduced by the Germans as peddler’s slang for “work” or “craft,” other scholars maintain the translation is from the Irish for “fox.” (Thank you and

All I know is that this choice hit me like a Mack Truck, while I was traveling from Houston to Austin...ON MY BIKE!

Regardless of the annals of its germination or fermentation, this IDEA follows up on my 2009 Inaugural “The Ferm” Anything Mock Draught selections of PEOPLE (The Norris Fam), PLACE (Mos Eisley Cantina), and TIME (Happy Hour).

My personal Shenanigans are almost always a collaboration with other cohorts during a public session. Shenanigans can be any high-spirited, mischievous activity or prankishness. I lean towards saltiness. Sometimes I might backward dart or triple cancer-stick. J.R. is known to climb trees. K Dub may drop it like it’s hot (pint glasses that is). SirRon has danced with a bouncer. You just never know what Shenanigans we’ll get into. When you’ve known each other as long we have, it’s fun to keep it fresh and mix it up with a good batch of Shenanigans.

Surprising a good friend into laugh with a Shenanigan is one of the few priceless joys (excluding the price of your pride) we have left in life. And if you don’t believe me, take a look...IN MY PANTS!
5/6/10 2:47 PM
SirRon is now on the clock.

5/10/10 12:05 PM
With the 7th pick in the 2nd Annual 2010 "The Ferm" Anything Mock Draught, SirRon selects... Rob and Amy Cartwright.
Rob and Amy may not be household names (yet), but they are living a dream that has crossed nearly every beer drinker’s mind. In the fall of 2004, this husband/wife team made their dream reality by opening Independence Brewing Company. My wife and I were fortunate to meet the two in Austin at the now defunct Texas Craft Brewer’s festival in 2004. They were not serving their new beers at that time, but we did discuss investment opportunities. Being timid about investments (and possibly in somewhat of a buzzed state from the festival), we filed the offer away in the “cool but not realistic” cabinet of our brains. By the 2nd year of the festival in 2005, the idea of investing became something we were now positive we wanted to dive into.
And what a great decision it was. I can tell you with certainty that I am more proud of being around during Independence Brewing’s growth than I am of the fraction of a single percentage of the operation our stock certificate represents. Rob and Amy personify the hard work on both the business planning side and the production side that small business is all about. They operate with a very limited crew and self distribute their beers. Texas law restricts sales at the brewery, and the 3-tier system established for the “protection” of consumers is monopolized to benefit the big guys. But despite regulations that do not hinder most small businesses, Independence has recently expanded to add the Houston market to their distribution territory that also includes Austin, San Antonio, and San Marcos. As an investor, Houstonian, and genuine admirer of the brewery, I am full of pride at their accomplishments to date.
It is probably worth mentioning that their beer is great. Their offerings include the following beers:
- Austin Amber (A very good amber, although my favorite iteration is during football season when it is packaged as OU Sux… Hook ‘em!).
- Bootlegger Brown (Look out Saint Arnold and Real Ale; you now have serious company in this style. Bootlegger has great chocolate malty flavor but finishes clean, which is great for the hot Texas weather).
- Independence Pale (Nicely hopped to satisfy your hop tooth – if you have one – without being too heavy).
- Freestyle Wheat (Great for tailgating during football season. Also great to introduce people to craft beer who think they don’t like beer).
- Jasperilla Old Ale (Named after their dog Jasper, this annual release gets better with every iteration. It is 9% ABV, but surprisingly smooth. Also, the shelves of your favorite beer store probably aren’t littered with a bunch of old ales. Pick a few of these up, age one, and enjoy this great brew).
- Stash IPA – NEW! (Everyone has an IPA these days, right? While a lot of craft breweries are ruining your palate with hops to satisfy the endless search of hopheads, Rob and Amy remind us that an IPA can be balanced and still delicious).
- Convict Hill Imperial Oatmeal Stout – NEW! (Three words: Imperial. Oatmeal. Stout. Maybe one more too: YUM).
- Mandarin Saison – NEW! (Independence has added their first seasonal brew. This is there summer offering… a saison with a hint of mandarin. It is in kegs only, so make whoever has it on draft your new favorite watering hole!).
These are but a few reasons why I am proud to take Rob and Amy as my first pick of the 2010 Anything Mock Draught.
5/10/10 12:10 PM
Mr. Smokeypants is now on the clock.

  1. SirRon May 3, 2010 at 4:44 PM  

    Who knew the 1st pick could be bought for so cheap?

  2. Dos Beer-igos May 3, 2010 at 6:16 PM  

    Seriously, If I would have known I would have matched all offers and tossed in a PBR!

  3. Dr. Analytics May 3, 2010 at 7:08 PM  

    The key was sensing desperation and waiting until the price hit rock bottom. Kolaches are on me!

  4. J.R. Ewing May 3, 2010 at 7:52 PM  

    Anyone willing to trade up, looking for 2 later picks...

  5. Anonymous May 3, 2010 at 9:37 PM  

    Who is Dr. Analytics? He's a genius. Kolache Factory...definitely a first rounder. But he's not half as smart as me. I feel like I won the lottery with my "I'm with Coco" bracelet. Score!! Friggin awesome! Best trade ever. I am so stoked. Leslie, you made my year. Mr. Smokeypants

  6. Anonymous May 3, 2010 at 9:47 PM  

    FYI...catch me at the right moment and I might trade my pants for a can o' PBR. I polished off 12 or so on a 70s-style houseboat at Lake Travis once. Much hilarity ensued, which my wife did not appreciate. Who doesn't think doing Karate Kid stye crane-kicks on a rickety dock isn't funny? Seriously. Mr. Smokepants...P.S. PBR is $2 at Juan's Flying Burrito in Nawlins.

  7. Anonymous May 3, 2010 at 10:34 PM  

    Just re-lived last year's draught and comments. CLASSIC! Going to be hard to beat. Kiper and McShay had nothing on us last year. The comment section was nearly as good as the draught itself. I like the addition of a newbie. New blood is always good. The Ferm is clearly a writer's haven. So let's bring it. Some might say I'm the reigning champ...we'll see. Until last year's class shakes out, we won't know. But I do know that I had some serious me-time on a bike recently (thank you MS 150) to get some ideas churning. Nothing like dehydration and hardcore arse pain to get those creative juices flowing. Ugh...that's just gross. My bad. Magnetic draught board up. Placards adjusted. I'm coming off picking the last-place finishing pony in the derby to win (thanks Backtalk) and thinking Mosley had a chance against Mayweather. So, I've got the bad karma behind me, Time to go to work. Up on my big train. Don't mess with me, I bring pain. Time to play the game. Mr. Smokeypants

  8. Dos Beer-igos May 4, 2010 at 11:04 AM  

    Just got off the line with my potential #1 pick, he is saying he hasnt heard anything from other teams and is excited to help out this year....

  9. SirRon May 4, 2010 at 11:12 AM  

    I'm a member of the faction touting Smokeypants as the reigning draft champ.

    I enjoy this time of year. You know, the time when we actually hear from Smokeypants on this blog (save a few drunk nights where he takes out his haiku machine gun and sprays the site).

    My board is deep, so I'm comfortable picking 7th. That Analytics guy made a nice move for the Kolache Factory though. Speaking as IFOCE's #7 Kolache Factory kolache eater in the world (, I give that a huge thumbs up.

  10. Dos Beer-igos May 5, 2010 at 8:47 AM  

    Is J.R. Ewing alive? ::crickets, crickets::

  11. Anonymous May 5, 2010 at 9:52 AM  

    Bip is still available! -- Mr. Smokeypants

  12. Anonymous May 5, 2010 at 2:16 PM  

    Wow...heavy hitters right out of the box. Last year, we had some great niche picks -- personal, original, creative, etc. This year, people are dropping bombs with no regard for others' picking safety. Dang. Don't make me take Air. Mr. Smokeypants P.S. Bip & Gilbert are still on the board.

  13. SirRon May 5, 2010 at 2:26 PM  

    It will be interesting to see if vacuum cleaners or Garrett Gilbert goes first.

  14. J.R. Ewing May 5, 2010 at 6:57 PM  

    Water!? Bwahahaha! It's like 3 atoms to a molecule. Do you know how many atoms makes up a Tie Die Bentley?

  15. SirRon May 6, 2010 at 9:38 AM  

    SAVOR... too close to the 15th pick (3rd round) of last year's draught??

  16. TwoPints May 6, 2010 at 11:14 AM  

    SAVOR, nope not on my board. I very much enjoyed my trip to this event and highly recommend it for any beer/food lover. K-Dub I wish you had been with us, you would have LOVED it!

  17. TwoPints May 6, 2010 at 11:17 AM  

    J.R. Ewing, no tie die without water Friend! Water is necessary to create the colors in the tie die process. Oh and BTW no water = overheated radiator. Nice one J.R....Nice one...

  18. SirRon May 6, 2010 at 4:09 PM  

    RE: 5th pick - American Craft Beer Week.

    Great pick! I'm going to have to scratch that off my board. [Jack Bauer-esque] Damnit!

  19. J.R. Ewing May 8, 2010 at 10:52 AM  

    Dang you Twopints and you're water logic. Let me just say that God just moved up my draft know who created water...

  20. J.R. Ewing May 8, 2010 at 10:53 AM  

    American Craft Beer Week, solid pick. Should have gone in the 1st annual anything mock draft IMO.

    Shenanigans! Shenanigans! Let me get my broom!

  21. Anonymous May 22, 2010 at 10:27 AM  

    Great 1st round. To end on a SAVOR, ACBW, and the Cartwrights, is a serious run on talent. I'm jealous of all those picks. SAVOR is particularly ballsy, as K-Dub has never been before and the pick is a little derivative of last year's smart Food Pairings pickup by SirRon. In the end, SAVOR gets a nod from me because it is really an event and distinguishable from the idea or object of Food Pairings. Mr. Smokeypants

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