Ever go out with a few buddies, order a pitcher for the table, and have to tell the fourth friend that he can have the first pour of the next pitcher? What about trying to do the math on the value of a $16 pitcher after you have had three $5 pints (and hey, were those 16oz glasses or were they cheater pints!)?

How bad has the problem gotten? According to some Google searches, barware distributors are selling pitchers that range anywhere from 32 oz to 65 oz.

A 32oz beer pitcher?! Those are for
WATER you amoral establishmentarian.

I recently did some research for this piece at Hooters and was not only shocked by their tiny pitchers, but outraged to find out they also stick a huge ice bag inside your pitcher of beer! Thanks honey, but I will be drinking this before it gets cold anyway. How about you fill 'er up and leave out the space and carbonation stealing frozen sack?

Tiny pitchers and dishonest pours are not limited to establishments filled with distractions run by the man and franchised across America; chances are your local pub is a Purveyor of Incorrect Measurement Pitchers too.

My fellow blog readers, it is time to take a stand. A standard pitcher is 60 oz. By that measure, one of my three friends is going to get a small pour anyway. If the bartender stiffs us on the pour, that friend unwillingly becomes the designated driver! In many European countries, beer is served in glasses with a volume marker. We need this marker on our pitchers. This is America!

Pitcher pours that are less than the full 60 oz. are wrong, folks. P.I.M.P.'s need to be exposed. Establishments serving cheater pitchers or bartenders not skilled in the art of the full pour should be identified and either tarred and feathered or drawn and quartered (their choice, depending on available resources).

Cheater pitchers must be brought to justice!

The Coalition for Open Pitcher Pours is not only about punishment and humiliation, but about clearness, precision, accountability, and honesty. There is absolutely no place for haziness and uncertainty in a drinking establishment. Who is with me?

Join our grassroots effort by sounding off in the comments section or sending an email to bigstick at theferm dot org… and next time you are at a bar and order a pitcher, tell them you are down with O. P. P.!

The Coalition for Open Pitcher Pours (Coalition for O.P.P.) and its fight against Purveyors of Incorrect Measurement Pitchers (P.I.M.P.'s) is in no way affiliated with the Honest Pint Project spearheaded by fellow beer blogger Jeff Alworth or the political buffoonery that is the Honest Pint Bill (Oregon HB 3122) introduced by Representative Jules Bailey, D-Portland... because that is just silly.

2 comments
  1. J.R. Ewing April 17, 2009 at 8:15 PM  

    This has bothered me for some time. It goes hand in hand with a bottle of wine...sounds like a lot until the fourth drinker gets the short pour. Perhaps we're to the stage where pitchers should be required to put some ounce-age next to it. Heck, in NYC can require some sort of caloric information why can't we get something similar? It's getting to the point where a "mega-big-dog-beer" (on that random Tuesday at your local establishment) might actually have more than the "short-pitch-with-bag-o-ice". I call shenanigans! I'm getting my broom as we speak.

  2. Anonymous September 4, 2009 at 12:22 AM  

    Pitchers are for punks
    Never get the right damn pour
    Hooters, "What the f*ck?!"

    Mr. Smokeypants