Collaboration.
Session taps the ferm dot org.
Collaboration.

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Main Entry: col·lab·o·rate
Pronunciation: \kə-'la-bə-,rāt\
Function: intransitive verb
Inflected Form(s): col·lab·o·rat·ed; col·lab·o·rat·ing

Etymology: Late Latin collaboratus, past participle of collaborare to labor together, from Latin com- + laborare to labor — more at labor

Date: 1871

1: to work jointly with others or together especially in an intellectual endeavor
2: to cooperate with or willingly assist an enemy of one's country and especially an occupying force
3: to cooperate with an agency or instrumentality with which one is not immediately connected

via Merriam-Webster

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Collaboration.
Please put that in a sentence.
Collaboration.

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Top 10 collaborations of drinking and movies.

10) Dazed and Confused ("All right, all right, all right.")
9) Swingers ("you're so money and you don't even know it")
8) Desperado ("this beer tastes like piss")
7) Three Amigos ("What's Tequila, uh, it's like beer")
6) Beerfest ("I'm better when I'm drunk!")
5) Fandango (on a mission to find "Dom")
4) Casablanca ("Of all the gin joints in all the world...")
3) The Hangover ("Why don't we remember a G. D. thing from last night?")
2) Animal House (Bluto downs a fifth of JD)
1) Strange Brew ("hoser")

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Why haven't beer cocktails really taken off? Beaver's Ice House in Houston, TX has dabbled. Hey "mixologists," how about mixing an Independence Bootlegger Brown and Mount Gay Extra Old Rum with *insert your magic here* for an interesting beverage. We'll be there to help critique.

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Collaboration.
A Flaming Dr. Pepper.
Collaboration.

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Flaming Dr. Peppers don't count. They are not a tasty drink, only a tolerable shot.

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Tenacious D, now
that's collaboration, Holmes.
JB & KG!

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Collaborate

All right stop, collaborate
and listen, We'll elaborate
like long division. No wait.
Don't hate. We assassinate.
Just relax and meditate.
Check it, our style lacks much weight.
Collab'ing can fascinate,
This we can appreciate,
Think about, deliberate,
and without any debate,
or any need to mediate,
The way to go on any date,
Is to collaborate, yes
Collaborate. Peace.

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Collaboration.
Irish Car Bomb, Saki Bomb.
Collaboration.

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So why don't more distilleries and breweries get together and make something magical? Why doesn't Dogfish, Rogue, and the like collaborate internally between their production facilities and their pubs with their own brewed and distilled beverages? Surely there is some collaboration that will bring the two together like a Yin and Yang, but also like peas in a pod... or like peanut butter and jelly… or like coffee and creamer… or like white and Labor day… or like the French and rolling over.

Do you know what we are saying?

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Collaboration.
Sounds like fun, then you do it.
Collaboration.

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This post was a collaborative effort by J.R. Ewing, K Dub, Mr. Smokeypants, and SirRon inspired by this month's The Session topic: Collaborations. More information about The Session and links to other participating blogs can be found on Brookston Beer Bulletin or on the host site for this month's topic, The Hop Press. Links to other participating blogs can be found in The Session #39 roundup post.

Don't forget to check out my entry for this month's Session :)

Greetings fellow beer bloggers -- It was a pleasure hosting this month’s installment of The Session. By “pleasure” I mean it is rather stressful volunteering for something that is the brainchild of two great beer writers on the month of The Session’s third anniversary. This month marks the thirty-seventh iteration of the gathering of bloggers over a single topic. The Ferm’s chosen topic du mois (I don’t know French, but I do know online translators) was “The Display Shelf: When to Drink the Good Stuff.”

First of all, we would like to thank all of you for participating in our little “question with no answer” (as one of you pointed out). While it may have been to some extent pointless or completely philosophical, it was certainly not rhetorical. I have often kicked myself (figuratively speaking, of course) for letting a drinking occasion pass without opening a particular bottle. The point of the topic was to reflect on your collection or even to encourage you to open something up and share the experience with us.

I enjoyed reading your tales of bottles saved, bottles drank, or bottles sadly passed over. Some of you made me particularly jealous of your cellared collection. Hopefully through this event, we have become friends... and you’ll have me over if I’m find my way to your town... and you’ll open up something good for me. On twitter, people call their friends tweeps. I’m surprised, since blogging has been around much longer, that there is not a complimentary term for a consortium of blogging buddies. Below is a round-up the contributions from The Ferm’s new found bleeps.

• Mario double fisted during this session with a post on his blog Brewed for Thought and one on the Santa Rosa Craft Beer Examiner. In the former he uses the analogy of a baseball card collection and how we take pride in showing off our cellared beer. I want to thank him particularly for the mental picture of eating a signed Nolan Ryan baseball card. His solution to drinking his cellared collection is to separate them into four categories. Make sure to check out his description of “Tuesday beers,” a designation I use myself for both beers and wines. In his Examiner post, Mario discusses aging barley wines and describes his experience drinking a 2008 Lagunitas Gnarly Wine.

• Our "brilliant topic" (his words, not mine) inspired The Beer Nut to open his treasured bottle of Fraoch 20th Anniversary Ale. For his post he “decided this [Session was] the perfect opportunity to throw hoarding to the wind and just drink the fecker.” You can read his intoxicating description in his post, "Geddit down yeh!” In the post, The Beer Nut also had a brilliant idea of his own by proposing the blogosphere designate “one day a year as Stash day: an occasion which acts as its own excuse to pour something special from your collection and tell everyone about it.”
  

• Peter from BetterBeerBlog describes a moment of display shelf envy in his offering. Showing off your collection is no doubt an underlying motive for us excessive hoarders. Despite being a self described “babe in the craft beer world” with only three years of experience, he boasts of his collection spanning an overfilled converted chest freezer, a kegerator, a dedicated shelf in his primary refrigerator, and several boxes stashed in his office, closet, and garage. He may need my twelve step program... or me to come over and help. For you old school Jim Henson fans, Peter also had a Dark Crystal reference in his post... nice! (just thought that was worth mentioning)

• The brothers of the blog Lug Wrench Brewing Company point out excessive cellarers may be more afraid to lose their prize then to actually enjoy it. Their advice: “Celebrate the event, not the bottle.” The brothers Wallace make a terrific analogy to Paul Giamatti’s character in the movie Sideways. A bottle of 1961 Chateau Cheval Blanc valued over a grand played a significant part in the movie and Paul’s character eventually opened it in the end. But since there is a significant difference between Hollywood and real life, I’d like to someone open up his most cherished bottle, pour it in a disposable cup, and drink it over some Taco Bell. Just saying.

• Ray of The Barley Blog is using this month’s topic as motivation to reorganize his cellared beers for easier management. If anyone has suggestions, head over to his Session #37 blog post and leave a comment. My advice is to isolate your very best bottles, 1.) so that they are separate from the ones you may drink on an average occasion and 2.) so you know exactly where to grab one from when the right occasion to share a great beer comes around.

• Nemisis from BeerTaster.ca suggests a very important reason to make sure you are stashing some beer away. After an accident that left him laid up for nearly six weeks, he slowly started drinking his stash. “My advice is to always keep your stash somewhere you can get to in an emergency. Think I might move mine to under my bed or my favourite chair or someplace like that.” Amusing perspective.

• Fabulous seems to have keen awareness of his ego, and he acknowledges the “epic battle” in his post on Make Mine Potato. His post gives us a mouth watering look at some of the beers he has opened and photographed for blogging purposes. All I can say is that Fabulous has been drinking well.

• Reasons for storing beers to drink at a later date may be similar among our group, but Steve points out that many of the beers we save do not age well in his post on All Good Beer. He admits to setting a goal to start “savouring instead of saving,” but given that he has over 300 bottles (not counting homebrews or bottles purchased for immediate consumption), he admits that some goals are easier said than done. My only suggestion is that you *do* pop open that rare bottle while watching Big Bang Theory and discuss with your dog how the characteristics of a beer have changed and mellowed over time... then blog about it! :)

• Anda writes that every day as a day worthy of enjoying the your best beers. Of course, I noticed Anda is a lawyer, and if there is one thing I know about lawyers, it is that they are never lacking in opportunities for drinking occasions. The Ferm’s own Mr. Smokeypants is Exhibit A in this case. In her Legal Libations post, Anda exclaims “right now” is the best time to open the good stuff. “I never regret it.” Cheers to that!

• Apparently this month's Session topic awoke the inner blogger in Dan from Beerovision. He openly admits that he has a bad case of "New Dad Syndrome." I feel you partner. My little ones have unapologetically “interrupted” me about 87 times during this post (and counting). However, Dan shows he’s well on the way to being a great dad by advocating sharing as the best way to drink your best bottles. “22oz of a great beer consumed by yourself is not the same as 5oz shared among four friends.” This is very similar to my theory that 22 diapers changed by yourself is not the same as 11 shared between parents.

• Derrick doesn’t have much of a cellar collection, but his Bay Area Beer Runner blog post describes an occasion where he broke out a bottle of Malheur Dark Brut, a beer brewed using the methode de champenoise, when friends were over for dinner. My cousin and resident The Ferm blogger K-Dub homebrewed a champagne beer a few years back using the techniques described by the Maltose Falcons homebrew club. The beer was served at K-Dub’s wedding in lieu of the crappy champagne usually poured at weddings. Based on Derrick’s announcement on his blog in his Session post, maybe he’ll find this link useful: http://www.maltosefalcons.com/tech/methode-champenoise-beer. Congrats!

• Al of Hop Talk is another craft beer enthusiast that doesn't dabble much in cellaring. In his somewhat self-therapeutic post he reminds himself to be organized (but not to the point of "those annoying oenophiliacs") and to get together with friends more often. I also couldn’t help but notice that my blogging handle got "quotes" treatment. SirRon is in fact my name, as long as anagrammatic pseudonyms still count as your name. But enough about me :) , make sure to check out Al's Beer-a-Day project in from 2009.

• While some on us focused on tasting sessions passed or past, Sean has well laid plans of his tasting future. He is a West Coaster and is proposing an Anchor Steam Our Special Ale vertical as well as a session planned for a selection of IPAs. Head over to Beer Search Party to apply for his crew of tasters. If you are looking for drinking inspiration, check out the right column of his page where you can see what is in his fridge, big brother style.

Since I’m posting this round-up in stages, I’d like to slip in a reason to drink some good stuff. Yesterday I found out someone stole my debit card number, passed it to someone in Kentucky, who took it to Walmart and bought enough gift cards to clean out my bank account (Nice one Walmart. No ID? No Card? Nooooooooo problem!). Frustrated and depressed, I worked late enough last night to where I was the last one in the parking lot at the office. I got to the car to find I had what looked like a mini railroad spike in my tire. Do to some ridiculous wind and some user error I dropped the car off the jack before finally getting the spare on. When I made it to my parent’s house, who had graciously picked up and taken care of my kids that night, my mom had dinner ready and my dad had some great wines open. If it weren’t for moments like this, life would be unbearably boring... or something like that. Needless to say, last night was a good day to bring out something good from the fridge.

• You would think that someone with a website named “A Beer in Hand is Worth Two in the Fridge” would not have problems pulling out his best beers for consumption... and you would be correct in that assumption. Jay writes: “Saving beer... is not something that I am able to do easily.” He goes on to describe some occasions where he has or plans to open up special beers. He and his brother opened a bottle of 2005 Sam Adams Utopias when to celebrate the birth of his brother’s first child. He also plans on opening a Westvleteren 12 on his wedding day. Jay’s sees the beers as timeless reminders of the specific events in which they were opened.

• Jim’s philosophy for cellaring and simple and straightforward: “I think that there is a reason that you age quality beer in a cool dark place. It's the out of sight, out of mind principal. The temptation is not so strong.” In his post on Two Parts Rye, he advocates sharing with friends, as long as they aren’t Milwaukee’s Best drinkers (D- on BeerAdvocate.com, in case you were wondering). “You don’t feed your dog filet mignon.”

• Gail from Beers by BART, which for those who may be interested is a San Francisco area beer travel logistics site, used her The Session #37 post as an excuse to open a 2007 Dogfish Head Raison D’Extra... for no good reason but to break free and celebrate everyday life. Note that she and her blogging partner passed up her sour beers (“too special... sheesh”) or any high gravity beers (“gotta work tomorrow”), but what follows is an intoxicating dialogue of two people sharing an 11oz bottle of the 18% ABV Belgian dark ale.

• Josh decides to take us on a tour of his stash in his Session #37 post on his blog Hump’s. His tour, complete with pictures, is a fun read that includes location, temperatures, and types (including his homebrews). Josh admits to being “an acquisitive sort,” which results in “the display shelf [getting] more and more trophies.” But that is what friends are for...

• Brian of Red, White, and Brew takes issue with my (and I suppose others’) terminology. “I'm still not entirely comfortable with how the beer community has joined winos in turning cellar into a verb.” He prefers to kick it old school and use the word “lager,” which in German doesn’t imply bottom-fermentation but cold storage. As for his lagering problem, he suggests it proves he doesn’t “have a drinking problem (just a collecting problem).” Brian boasts of ~300 bottles in his collection, which he refers to as Beeradise or the Malt Vault. Whatever you call it Brian, your pictures made me thirsty.

• Yours for Good Fermentables hosted last month’s Session #36 about cask conditioned ale. Real ales are best fresh, so Tom found it an amusing coincidence that this month’s topic was beers stored to be drank later (something Alanis Morissette may find “ironic”). Although he describes his collection as “minuscule... by some standards,” Tom briefly discusses his memories drinking a 1999 Sierra Nevada Bigfoot Barleywine and a 1991 Eldridge Pope Thomas Hardy Ale in his Session #37 post. I’m impressed at the patience it must have required to keep those beers that long.

• Michael got his proverbial feet wet with The Session during this month’s topic. On his blog, A Perfect Pint, he claims he never has a problem identifying the “beers you don’t drink” and saving them for the proper occasion. Michael’s notes his problem is his “sizable collection of beers in [his] cellar that [he] never really meant to save,” like his 2007 Left Hand Goosinator Smoked Doppelbock “with the quarter inch of sediment on the bottom.” He admits beer buying moratoriums don’t help, so like me, he imports more than he exports. Just remember, as Michael points out, “a beer not consumed is a beer wasted.”

• One way Alan keeps his stash in check is by “preemptively … living in Canada where no one really can get the good beer into the stash either by sales or samples.” In his post on A Good Beer Blog, Alan presumably takes us in the cellar to drink a few bottles from his stash. For the post, he shares his thoughts on a 2006 Hair of the Dog Brewing Company Doggie Claws and a five year old George Gale & Company Conquest Ale. Even though his stash has grown from 40 to 200 bottles over the past half decade, Alan has a good attitude about opening some of his good stuff up and sharing it (even if it is just a virtual sharing).

• If you have suffered through twenty-something of my recaps and are still with me, you are in for a treat. Jon from The Brew Site has the answer to when to the question of when to drink the good stuff. You’ll find the answer two-thirds of the way through his post, but I’m going to spoil it for you here: “It’s entirely up to you. What? Too anticlimactic?” Nah, because you opened a bottle of 2007 Deschutes Brewery The Abyss to celebrate the 3rd anniversary of The Session (the first topic was Stouts) and this month’s topic of opening up something good. Apparently “now” was a good time to drink the good stuff (although more power to you, because “while writing” isn’t one of my preferred times to enjoy something good... or it just means that you may not enjoy the resulting post).
  

• Daniel took our topic to heart. He opened a would-be cellared beer that he purchased earlier in the day...... for no special reason at all. His description of the occasion: “It's far from a perfect drinking environment; my girlfriend is watching a DVR-ed episode of The Mentalist on the TV while I listen to music on headphones. I've just had dinner, which could impact my palate, although I had some water to clean the tongue, and I'm basically just sitting in the corner of my basement by myself. But my guess is that opening a great bottle will be worth it, even if this is likely my only chance to try the beer.” I’m impressed. What follows are his tasting notes on a 2009 Founders Nemesis. Check it out on his blog, Endosymbiosis. “A day you open something great is a special occasion in itself.”

• The aforementioned The Ferm blogger K-Dub is a guy that has as many refrigerators dedicated to deer meat as he does craft beers, but that isn’t to say he doesn’t have a great selection of craft beers (some of which go great with venison cheese salami). K-Dub didn’t post on this month’s topic, but he did leave a comment. “This is something that I've been struggling with myself. I have three refrigerators FULL of brews that I've been saving. Vertical years of Dogfish 120, Real Ale Sisyphus, North Coast Old Ale, Sierra Nevada Bigfoot, homebrews and even some Belgian ales that I've collected since 2004. I should take the stance that every day is a celebration and start to breakdown my ridiculous collection of awesome rockin' brewskis.” Rock on cuz!

• The founder of this little monthly blogging forum, esteemed beer author Stan Hieronymus at Appellation Beer, files a Session #37 post that discusses his February memories of Deschutes Jubel 2010, Stone Old Guardian Barley Wine, Lost Abbey Angel’s Share Grand Cru, and Firestone Walker Anniversary, proving his a pretty good friend to have. Still, Stan confesses to be a "serial cellarer." In the end, he suggests "sharing beer with friend should be occasion enough" to drink the beers in his collection.
  

• Last but certainly not least, the co-moderator and the blog that hosts the links to all Session topics past and future, Jay Brooks at Brookston Beer Bulletin discusses his philosophy of storing beers. He employs a “network of four refrigerators,” one of which is used for everyday beers (“ones my wife is allowed to drink”). For the rest of the stash, Jay mentions he has flirted with the idea of an intimate tasting club, but that he’s never got it going. To end his post, Jay tells a great story of two bottles he was given by a distributor from Whitbread Brewery. I don’t want to spoil the story, but the beers were allegedly part of a batch made with 50+ year old yeast harvested from bottles recovered from a WWII shipwreck. I have no suggestion as to when the right time to open those bottles.

And that's a wrap! Just one last comment... I'm surprised at how many of you moderate the comments on your blog. That may suppress conversation about beer or the topic you are presenting, but to each his own I suppose.

Sincerely speaking, it has been a pleasure to host The Session this month. For everyone here at The Ferm, we would like to thank your contributions. Cheers!

From here we pass the torch to Sean Inman at Beer Search Party. The topic is “Cult Beers,” which I assume won’t be about Kool-Aid or beers brewed by monks.

Image via NYT article "Beer Lovers Make Room for Brews Worth a Wait"
Photo by Jamie Schwaberow

As some of you are aware, I have been a bit under the weather. The multitudes of infectious agents that have invaded my body have kept me from being able to enjoy my most treasured bottles of beer and to share those experiences with my terrific readers.

OK OK, I’m sorry. I… uh, kind of only had a cold. I feel horrible for blaming the germs. To be honest, I just never know when the best time is to break out all the bottles that I have earmarked for storage. *sigh* *deep breath*

I deserve good things. I am entitled to my share of happiness. I refuse to beat myself up. I am attractive person. I am fun to be with. I'm going to do a terrific blog post today! And I'm gonna help people! Because I'm good enough, I'm smart enough, and, doggonit, people like me!

Welcome readers old and new. I have been watching you recently. Not like “stalker” watching, but observing. I use Google Analytics. I see the way you enter. I sometimes wonder how you can read a whole blog post in less than thirty seconds, but that is O-K. Maybe you all just read faster than me.

Today I want to talk to a subsection of my fellow beer connoisseurs. Not so much those of you that enjoy a fine malted beverage every now and again. Not so much those of you that actively seek craft beers previously untried. I am speaking to those of you, just like me, who have more than one refrigerator dedicated to beverages.

You are not alone, but is time to break free. We have a common problem, and today we will work through this hoarding malady together. Friends, quite simply we import more than we export. When on a vacation, visiting a brewery, or lining up outside of a store pending the release of some exclusive beer, we take home these treasured bottles with the best of intentions.

“On such-and-such occasion when so-and-so is over, I am totally opening this bottle. We will be talking about that day for years!”Or
“When I have the perfect food to pair with this bottle, I will open it and we’ll do a tasting session.”Or
“I am going to open that bottle of such-and-such this weekend when I have time to take notes for my new blog post”But as you sit there contemplating the feasibility of adding a third beer refrigerator somewhere in your house, realize you are pulling the wool over your own eyes!

Stop and repeat after me: Trace it, face it, and erase it!

Our problem is potiomania*: the collecting or hoarding of drinks. To triumph over our dysfunction, we must break our behavior down in steps and conquer the problem. The only amount of steps I have ever found useful are twelve. Friends, follow these steps together with me and we shall prosper!

* I Googled potiomania and it looks like I made up that word… it’s mine now!


Step 1: Admit that you are powerless over your cellaring habit and that your beer storage has become unmanageable.

It is perfectly understandable to have a refrigerator dedicated to beverages. To be honest, you are probably only “at risk” for a cellaring addiction if you have two refrigerators. However, if you find yourself living around your collections or apologizing to friends and family about why there is no longer a bed in the guest bedroom, it probably time to admit that you are trying to solve problems with solutions that are not working. That frightened feeling you just got inside when I suggested you may be a potiomaniac means you are ready for Step 1. This step is just a change in attitude, but this very self acknowledgment will lead you to Step 2.


Step 2: Believe that a power greater than your refrigerators can restore you to sanity.

Friends, I know what you are thinking: “The answer is just more refrigerators” -- “this post is too verbose, I mean seriously are there really 10 more steps?” -- “how did they let you host this session?” I understand your frustration. It happens to a lot of Step 2’ers.

More storage is the safe solution, but the purpose of this step is for you to seek new solutions. The power is not in the storage. The power is in the bottles. Open a special bottle and take another step with me.


Step 3: Make a decision to turn your will and your cellared collection over to the care of your five senses.

The more bottles you store, the less it feels wrong to buy and store more. But when the beer is inside the bottle, you cannot admire its color, hear the bubbles as the scurry to surface, sniff the enchanting aroma, enjoy the sensation of the beer in your mouth as the carbonation makes it jump on your tongue, or taste the brewer’s arrangement of malty base and hoppy balance (or imbalance).

Taste is the definitely the front-runner in Step 3 of the program, because it is the most intimate of all your senses. Feeling the beer dance in your mouth is great and all, but the beer must become part of you for it to be tasted. Taste is what stimulates your appetite and cravings, thus they are essential to your passion for beer AND your health!

As an added bonus, drinking your beer will enable you to let go of your domestic or work related problems. That neighbor who came into your back yard uninvited because she thought your faucet was leaking? Who cares! As you finish entertaining your senses, you will probably feel more satisfied with your life and will be much more likely to commit to other changes that people ask of you. Little by little, you will become more proud of the person you are and where you are in your life.

**Please note: Staying too long in Step 3 will end up having a negative effect on your life, similar to (but not exactly like) what happened to Smeagol in Lord of the Rings.


Step 4: Take an honest look at the effects of your cellaring habits on others and on yourself.

Against my counsel, if you have spent too much time in Step 3, or if you are bitter about moving to Step 4, now is not the time to jump back on the wagon and get defensive of your lifestyle. Take a leap of faith… plus, there are still eight more steps.

This step asks you to consider what you are doing to your friends by excessively cellaring beers. Drinking should be a social activity for you; otherwise you are in the wrong twelve step class. We beer enthusiasts are passionate about beer, and by sharing you will have the opportunity to introduce your friends or family to unique new beer styles and flavors. Converting them into beer enthusiasts will also open up opportunities for your friends to share their rare beer collection with you. The whole process is as feel good as the movie Pay It Forward, but only if that movie had been titled Pay It Back. I think you know what I'm getting at here.


Step 5: Admit to yourself (and the Internet if you have a blog) the exact nature of your wrongs.

You made an important step when you admitted that you have a problem, but now it is also time for the big R: “Responsibility.” If you are like me, you find it difficult to admit your problems. I suggest going to your beer fridge and opening up something really good. If doing this is still hard for you, have a friend or significant other go grab “whatever they want.” No more excuses! Just do it.

In Step 3, you introduced your senses to a beer that you have been keeping. In Step 5, you are once again unleashing the power inside the bottle. As it becomes one with you again, focus on ways to get everything you always wanted in life. It is time for a better you. Make sure to jot these things down, because you may not remember them after this session.

Blog, tweet, and/or update your Facebook status to publicize the new you. The nice thing about the Internet age is you can do everything in life with minimal face-to-face human interaction. Acknowledging your problems this way is not cheating however, because you drank something from your cellar as part of this step. Well done!


Step 6: Be ready to have the blog commenters point out all your defects, including ones you are pretty sure that you do not have.

In life, people complain more than they compliment. On the Internet, things aren’t that different. Once you’ve laid your road to a better you out there for people to see in Step 5, don’t let your natural knee-jerk reaction to a hateful comment be to scrap this program that you have only half finished (or half started, if you are the pessimistic type).

Most importantly, don’t let haters be your excuse for spiraling back into your potiomania. The importance of Step 6 is for you to realize you don’t need to be ashamed or defensive of your beer cellaring habits. The comments you receive, even the clever ones that appear to be innocuous, will make you realize how important your problem is and why it is so important to break free. You need pitch black to understand the light, you need chocolate to understand vanilla, and you need Three Floyds Oak Aged Dark Lord Russian Imperial Stout to understand Russian River Pliny the Elder. Just saying.


Step 7: Humbly ask St. Augustine of Hippo, patron saint of brewers, to lower your inhibitions.

Despite your best intentions, you may still be finding it difficult to open up your good stuff. The motivation to cellar is conflicting. On the one hand you are collecting great beers to drink. On the other, you are never actually drinking that beer. Sheer will may not help, and the devices you used in previous steps (e.g. let the wife pick whatever she wants) have not yet produced permanent change.

St. Augustine once dealt with an addiction of his own. His particular vice was that of “loose living,” but he turned it around and became a Saint y'all! The changes he made to his lifestyle and a quick little post-mortem miracle earned him the “patron saint of brewers” title.

The Beer Gods help those who help themselves. Open something up to honor St. Augustine of Hippo.


Step 8: Make a list of all the beers you are saving and record the day they were cellared.

It is time to shift focus slightly. The less you know about the contents of your cellar, the easier it is for you to hide behind ignorance when it comes to drinking some of your best bottles. This step will help you begin the road to breaking free.

Start with an inventory list. Make sure to estimate a maturity date as well as comment on your expectations for the beer once it hits maturity.

Seeing a list of your beer treasures will help remind you of why you tucked the beer away in the first place.


Step 9: Make specific estimates of when your cellared beer is to be consumed (carefully noting which beers would offend friends if you drank the beer without them).

The difference between Step 8 and Step 9 is the latter specifies when you will actually drink the beer. The drinking experience is best done socially, but you must be careful not to offend your drinking buddies by not sharing your cellared beer with them. Work hard to limit the amount of beers that have several stipulations before they can be opened. These stipulations are the root of the habit you are working to break. However, as you share more and more of your best bottles, you will in fact feel closer to your cellared collection and be well on your way to conversion.


Step 10: Continue to update your inventory of cellared beer and when the refrigerators become over filled again, promptly admit it and open up a good bottle (or two).

The key to thriving as a recovering potiomaniac is staying conscious of your cellaring. Step 10 is not about preventing you from your mistakes, but about noticing when you go off course and getting you back on the right track. If you find yourself teetering on the edge of needing three beer fridges again, go back and read Steps 1-9. Nothing in life comes easy… except failure. And let’s be honest about the definition of failure here. When you are at your absolute worst and have hit rock bottom, you just have a whole lot of great beer.


Step 11: Stay in tune with the teachings of Saint Arnold of Metz, having them lead you to what you really want.

Saint Arnold of Metz, concerned about the dangers of drinking impure water, preached "don't drink the water, drink beer.” According to legend, Saint Arnold blessed a brew kettle by dipping in his crucifix and ended a plague by encouraging people to drink from that kettle. (Miracle: check.)

Step 11 is asking you to disregard logic and do what feels right. Beer is made from the fermentation of grains, hops, and a lot of water. It’s like eating bread and vegetables while washing them down with a big glass of water. Don’t question this. Just drink up. (Beer: It’s what’s for dinner.)

Saint Arnold of Metz was reported to have said: “From man's sweat and God's love, beer came into the world.”

Amen.


Step 12: After getting your cellaring habits under control, you will try to carry this message to other beer cellaring addicts, and to practice these principles in all your personal and online affairs.

It is time to help others break free of potiomania. You are not powerless anymore.

The purpose of the twelve steps is a motivate you to stay on course. Remember that if you stop drinking your stash, you will begin to feel powerless again. You need not keep a fixed amount of beers in your cellar, just remember the power is in the bottles.

Hopefully this post has helped you acquire better cellaring habits. It is important to stay altruistic, not only with your best beers but with your advice to others that have fallen victim to potiomania.


Friends, you know what? I think this may be the BEST blog post I've ever done! And you know what else? I deserve it! I’m going to go pull something good out of the beer fridge. Cheers!


Information on "The Session" from Brookston Beer Bulletin: The Session, a.k.a. Beer Blogging Friday, is an opportunity once a month for beer bloggers from around the world to get together and write from their own unique perspective on a single topic. Each month, a different beer blogger hosts the Session, chooses a topic and creates a round-up listing all of the participants, along with a short pithy critique of each entry.

Update: Be sure to check out our contribution to The Session #37 and our Round-up post of all the participants.

My journey to a full-fledged beer enthusiast has gone from having a preference for full flavored beers -- to homebrewer -- to craft beer drinker -- to beer traveler -- to beer collector -- to beer blogger. Over the past few years, I have purchased or been gifted numerous bottles of beers that I subsequently cellared and designated as “to be opened on a special occasion.” My dilemma, however, is matching an occasion with opening a particular bottle in my collection.

Not unlike collectors of other sorts, my behavior has transitioned from exploring diverse offerings to being more acquisitive in manner. Easy fix, right? Pull something out and drink it. But for example, after I enjoyed the complexities of a 750mL bottle of Victory Golden Monkey aged four years, I somehow find it harder to justify opening unique bottles in my collection that I have personally aged. Would it have been even better after five years? What about some of my other friends that did not get to share in the experience?

Finding a drinking occasion that lives up to the reputation of the bottle and the story of its acquisition is not a dreadful struggle to have, but it is a struggle nonetheless. When my good friends are over and we have had a few other beverages, will we still be able to enjoy my cave aged Hennepin that I bought after my tour of the brewery and have cellared for ten years? Will I miss it like I miss that four year old Golden Monkey?

In March, The Ferm has the honor of hosting The Session, a monthly assemblage of beer bloggers to opine on a shared topic. The March 2010 topic is “The Display Shelf: When to Drink the Good Stuff.” The topic is open ended and the rules of The Session are close to nil. You can use your post to be persuasive or therapeutic. You may choose to tell a story of a great bottle you once opened or boast of your own beer collection. Regardless of your approach to the topic, to participate simply publish your post by Friday, March 5, 2010. Afterward, leave a link to your blog in the comment section of this post or email us your link. The following weekend, I will post a round-up with comments and links to all entries. If you do not have a blog, feel free to post your thoughts on the topic in the comment section anyway.

Hopefully this topic will inspire some people, including myself, to break free and open up something special, whether with a friend, family, or even all on their lonesome. Cheers!

Hello, my name is K Dub, and I’m a stumbling homer. I know a lot of you might be saying to yourself, “What a responsible and handsome individual,” but let me be the first to tell you that stumbling home is a serious condition that is very difficult to treat. My wife sometimes says, “Why don’t you just say you’re ready to go instead of just disappearing in a stupor?” Unfortunately, I do not have a good answer for that question, perhaps it is just my style to leave in such an unorthodox fashion while under the influence.

That’s why I’m here today typing on the blog thing, as part of this month's The Session blog, to describe to the masses my three favorite methods for stumbling home. I’ll start with the easy one and work my way up to an advanced level of home finding. Try to remember that for most people stumbling home of all kinds has one common end game, going to sleep. Grab you pencil and paper because I’m about to learn you something, trust me, I’m not a doctor.

Method #1 – Get in a Fight with your Crazy Girlfriend, Walk one and a half miles back to your house and kick a hole in the bathroom door
· I would say that this is the most basic of stumbling homes that happens a lot more than you would think. There’s really not that much technique involved here, it basically involves that the stumbling homer consume adult beverages at his favorite bar for around six to ten hours. The next ingredient is that your manic-depressive girlfriend shows up and wants to leave and go have dinner somewhere else. You inform said girlfriend that you have already eaten, twice, and that you are no longer hungry. The girlfriend then begins to yell at you in front of all your friends, and since you’ve been paying the bartender cash, you simply place your beverage down and walk home. This eliminates the catalyst for your girlfriend’s anger and reduces the amount of whining that your friends have to listen to.
· Note that there is room for improvisation, one ‘accidentally spill’ beer on the girlfriend or even tell the girlfriend choice words before leaving, but doing these actions can spark further arguing by your girlfriend and continue your public humiliation.
· To really make this one fun try stumbling home in brand new boots that haven’t been broken in, that makes for a fun and exciting trip. Also, don’t forget to try and look sober, you never know if a police officer is watching you. Just keep telling yourself, to yourself not out loud, that ‘you are sober, and nobody will notice you if you just stay cool.’ Note that if you do get caught with a P.I. please understand that the police officer is only doing their job, serving and protecting the public and probably yourself.
· Once you’re home, you’ve got this one in the bag, you simply find the door that irritates you the most and test the structural integrity of the door approximately six to eight inches above the floor. Then all you need to do is your nightly routine and off to bed you go.

Method #2 – Have too much to drink and wait in the car for your wife/friend to drive you home
· This absolutely has to be one of my all time favorites which I have repeated on several occasions as I see fit. First of foremost you need to make sure that a) Your wife is very loving and patient or b) Your friend is trustworthy and won’t write anything on your face while you slumber in the car.
· Once you have the above taken care of the rest of the exercise can take a few steps to completely successfully. Go to a tolerable watering hole and enjoy yourself around your friends and accidentally consume a little too much. At this point ask for the keys but ensure the giving party that you DO NOT intend to drive and that all you would like to do is to, “lay down in the car for a while” or explain that “I’m done, want to go home.”
· If the driver for the evening is not willing to leave the good times just yet explain that you’ll just go to the car for a nap and that you do not feel sick, even if you do feel sick.
· At this point you need to remember how to get back to the vehicle (one may need to use techniques described in Method #3) and to make sure you look sober while walking (see Method #1).
· Once inside the vehicle there are many positions to assume for maximum comfort and deep relaxed sleep.
o Sitting in the front seat at a decline offers many advantages and is quite possibly the most popular. However this position can offer problems to backseat passengers and result in waking you up for a seat adjustment, resulting in anti-slumber. Another downside to this position is the sleep slump, which is where you slide down in the seat while sleeping which can result in a crick in your neck.
o Lying down in the backseat bench is also another favorite where one can almost spread out and achieve comfort in the fetal position. This is a highly recommended sleeping position during the winter months as the fetal position offers additional warmth be contained, ask Sirron about this, it’s his kind of engineering, not mine. Be careful with this one as seat belts can be a problem and a terrific nuisance.
o My personal favorite requires the use of an SUV of some sort where one will take over the rear cargo area (no third seat) with your human body. There is almost unlimited freedom of movement for various sleeping positions which is an important thing to the irritable drunk man. Scout out the location prior to slumber time as cargo areas attract trash, tire irons, speak boxes and other obstacles which may result in an unpleasant sleeping experience.
· When you reach the vehicle you just need to make yourself comfortable and wait for the ride home. Naps are of course completely natural and highly recommended at this point. Once at home proceed with your nightly routine and head off to bed, distractions such as Forest Gump on TV may be tempting to watch, but be strong and go to sleep.

Method #3 – Walk back to a hotel from a bar you’ve never been to in a city that you have never visited
· This method must only be completed by professional stumbling homers and should not be performed by amateurs under any circumstances. This method will include the use of handheld GPS devices (cell phones), unfamiliarity of your surroundings and severe lapses in judgment.
· Again, one should start while at a bachelor party (preferably your own) at a terrific bar that serves handcrafted artisanal fermented beverages (craft beer) in a City that you have never been to before. After you sit down and the room stops spinning you must quickly exit the bar without telling anyone what your intentions are or where you are going. Just get your belongings and out the door you go, do not divulge any information to your friends, they will only try to get you to stay out and party with them.
· Once you are about three blocks away from the bar and you realize that you are good and lost is when the cell phone with GPS becomes critical. A quick map search of your hotel will indicate that if you keep walking straight you will bump right in to it.
· Now again, distractions can play a negative part in this method as well but be mindful that you must stay strong. Such distractions include seeing a person asleep on the side of the road who looks so comfortable and thinking that it would be a good idea to cuddle up for a good night’s rest or even a photo opportunity. These distractions will only bring you down and might get you in fisticuffs with others, that’s why it is highly advised to stay the course and get back to the hotel as quickly and safely as possible.
· Please note that this method can be very disorientating and may result in cries for help or a taxi, but with some preliminary practice this is a very achievable stumbling home method.

While there are many other approaches, techniques and skills on successful home stumbling that’s all we have time, and space, for today. Maybe one day in the near future I can share “How to stumble home in your going out clothes from the night before” the ever popular “How to fall down in the street in your suit while leaving a wedding reception” and a one time favorite, “How to talk yourself out of stumbling to the Capitol.”

Until then, stay classy and walk the line.

I should admit upfront that my beer expertise comes only from consumption. Oh, and Sirron is my big brother. He asked me to take a stab at an entry discussing "the role a label plays in framing a beer" for this month's Session, hosted this month by Andrew at I'll Have a Beer. Here are a couple of my beer-related thoughts on the topic:

A beer’s brand exists with or without a label, a name, or even a bottle. In fact, brands live in the minds of consumers, not producers. Producers (or corporations, more like it) spend a lot of money trying to steer brands to their advantage. This is a good thing for my parents and their guest bedroom because, if corporations didn’t, I would be unemployed.

The big secret is that producers will never have complete control of a brand’s identity. It's about the experience, other people's opinions, pop culture, beer trends, etc. While using a can instead of bottle (gasp) or featuring a saint instead of a mountain scene (Can someone tell me why so many microbrews have wildlife on their labels?) can help explain the vision to a consumer, it will never tell the whole story.

While I’m a sucker for clever packaging (Sirron’s elaborate gift wrap of a Mariah Carey CD circa Christmas 1991 may take the cake), I think the lack of it is what the homebrew brand is all about.