Author's Note: When I first began my Top 15 Places to Get a Beer in Houston, TX list, Anvil Bar & Refuge had yet to open. By the time it was published, draft beer was fairly new to the bar. While I someday may update my list, I would like to let it be known that Anvil not only belongs on The Ferm's list, they belong very high on the list.

11D+1N+1C

11 Drafts, 1 Nitro Keg, 1 Cask.

Beer bars whose selections include three Saint Arnolds, two Real Ales, a Dogfish Head or two, an Independence Brewing Company selection (I can hope, right?), and several pedestrian or safe selections are few and far between. However, Anvil is not that bar. Anvil is the kind of bar that truly cares about the way their beverages are served. They house a well designed and well maintained beer serving system. Each keg even has its own gas regulator, and Anvil takes it a step further and mixes their own beer gas.

I wore out the thesaurus looking for something to describe the special release and hard to find draft beers offered on Anvil’s thirteen taps. Esoteric is OK. Impressive may be better. However, unrivaled may be the most appropriate.

Check out their beer chalkboard to see what is on tap. This link is updated weekly!

The Bar Has an Understated Connection to its City

Amongst a plethora of franchises and quasi-unique establishments owned by mega-groups, Anvil co-owner Bobby Heugel built his dream bar. Anvil is tucked away in a trendy, but somewhat unaffected area of Westheimer in Houston, TX. The building originated as a Bridgestone-Firestone store built in 1959. What makes the facility impressive, however, is the marked passion in the interior design and décor (decidedly opposite of the Red Robin corporate design). The vintage glasses, resting on shelving from a piano store the owners worked at as kids, were acquired from local thrift shops. You can rest your feet at the bar on a piece of an old railroad track that previously ran through Houston.

The bar owners renovated the interior of the bar almost entirely themselves, and while some of the most interesting features of the bar are not evident at first glance, you cannot help but feel you are somewhere special while sipping a drink at Anvil.

These Guys Are Freaks

Hidden in the “About” section of their perpetually under construction website is a note that “Anvil Bar & Refuge is owned and operated by a small group of cocktail freaks.” What you will witness when you visit are people that create each drink as if it was a small piece of art that they are showing off to friend. If you have ever been at a loud bar and watched a bartender make a cosmo or mojito, you will really appreciate the love the folks at Anvil have for what they do. The bar's dedication to serving great drinks makes Anvil a great place, regardless of the drink ordered.

The website also states: “Our bar is a manned by the same individuals who built, bartend, and manage it. Anvil is a special place for us, and we hope that you will share what can only be described as our refuge.”

It shows.

Classic, Stylish, Pretentious Down-to-Earth

Everything about Anvil’s approach to serving prohibition era drinks and great beer is stylish, from your seat at the bar to the glass in which it is served. The atmosphere is what differentiates this bar from its corporate counterparts. Bobby describes Anvil as “an expression of who we are and a passion for making cocktails and sharing our evenings with a group of friends, some familiar and some new, every night.” Some may counter that any place that is often so crowded that there is a line to get in is more pretentions than down to Earth. To this I respond, is it the bar owner’s fault that the place is popular? An owner’s job is to create the best experience possible. If you are lucky enough to be inside, it is hard not to agree that Anvil overachieves at this goal.

“the List”

After finding a place at their large prominent bar, which is always a better place to enjoy a drink than a couch, I was handed “the List.” It is a large sheet of paper with a memo under the simple title stating: “We at Anvil would be remiss in our duties if we did not mention that there are certain libations we feel you should try at least once in your life...for better or worse. Below is a list of 100 of them.” It is arranged in alphabetical order and starts with an Absinthe Drip and ends with a Zombie. If anything, The List had me watching the bartenders all night to try to match what was being prepared with the 100 items. The purpose of my first visit to Anvil was to get a taste (or two) of the new limited release Saint Arnold Divine Reserve #9, but the List is certain to bring me back.

Kids!

What do you know good?

Being that this is my first post on this blog and all, let me introduce myself. My name is Crawford Crapitto, CEM. I enjoy a drink or two every now and again. I am Vice President of Services down at the Solutions branch of the local utility. I have got a wife, a teenage daughter, and dog named Boozer. Seriously, if I tell you more I'm sure you'll be stalking me when I insult your favorite beverage -- and let's be honest, if you are reading this humdrum site then you probably need my help.

How did I get here? I stumbled across the site while Googling "what kind of cheese goes in a kolache" last Tuesday afternoon. While I didn't get any flipping cheese help, now I know that Minute Maid Park stocks like 87 different sizes of cups. Overall I found TheFerm to be satisfactory. It has got tabs up top for "Beer" (check), "Wine" (my cellar is stocked!), "Spirits" (hah hah, not ghosts), and a few other German items. However, I was searching around between meetings today and could not find any thoughts on actual beverages. Kolache contests, random news, a schizophrenic interview… but no drinking advice.

Problem solved kids. During my 3:00 PM strategic planning teleconference I broke out my Crackberry (my daughter calls it that) and emailed SirRon (not his real name it turns out). He shot a message right back, which was disturbing given it was the middle of a work day. After a few more back-and-forths, it was like we were old drinking buddies. I like that young man. He reminds me of a younger, less successful me with twice as many kids as necessary. Long story short, he gave me the keys to the company car, and I am ready to get this site rolling.

Full disclosure: I do not have any blog experience. However, I have been told I can email my posts to the admins over at TheFerm and they will take care of the rest. Thanks in advance Candee! Lesson #1 kids, delegate. (Although I plan on grammar checking these before I send them, that young girl cannot even spell her own name.)

My journey to this post's beverage selection starts at Whole Foods. Despite all of the smelly hippies and tiny architects pondering which of the 31 flavors of granola to buy, I prefer Whole Foods to my other local grocery. Sure, there is a Kroger across the street, but there are way too many "people who live in large apartment complexes" (yeah, I remember my sensitivity training) shopping there for comfort, if you know what I am saying. Whole Foods has a sound selection of beers. They also sell singles, which allows me to make my own six packs without having to resort to the sneakery I must perform at Krogers. I put together five Sierra Nevada Celebration Ales and one Twisted Tea (the commercial said it was Man-Tea… sold!).

When I get to the checkout, there is this man buying like 10 pounds of salmon. What is this guy, a bear? I looked the other direction, because while everyone thinks bears are so cute, bears kill. What is the cutest bear you know? That bear you are thinking of right now will kill you.

Seriously, I will maul you just to get that
cutesy look off your face. Just sayin'.

I am still avoiding any eye contact and fail to notice when the bear clears out. Ziggy the check out guy must have already initiated some sort of check out guy small talk, which I obviously had not reciprocated. I assume this because he had a look on his face like I chopped down his favorite thinking tree. Whatever. He could also be in a bad mood after hearing the news of the Massachusetts Senate election. Sorry Zig, it looks like my family will not be footing the bill next time you take too much acid.

Tonight is not my first dance with Celebration Ale. If I was marooned on a desert island and could only take one beer, Celebration would be on my short list. Not only is Celebration Ale delicious, it embodies everything I think the perfect beer should be. It is full flavored, very hoppy, and bottle conditioned, yet it is readily available at stores everywhere (i.e. I do not have to promise the creepy beer guy at the local liquor warehouse a Cuban cigar just so he will reserve a sixer in the back for me). Being bottle conditioned, I try to hold one or two Celebration Ales back every year so that someday I can have an epic vertical tasting. I currently have about four or five vintages in the cellar. To top it all off, this beer is seasonal, so the "for a limited time" or "while supplies last" mystique applies.

Well kids, until next time, imbibe that! You can thank me later or in the comment section.

(This has got to be the easiest check I have ever cashed.)

When I began to construct this blog as a farewell to a Houston area watering hole, I thought it would be relatively straight forward. Local bar is founded in the suburbs. Has a rich and unique history and list of patrons because of its location near NASA. There's no other place like it in the United States, but as times change, time seemed to move on and it didn't, and as a result its relevance is diminished and even as a patron, it seems to be for the best that it moves into our memories vs. our present. But the picture is now murky, I'll expand later.

Let's start with the introduction and background. In 1981, on the heels of the Apollo program and as the Space Shuttle program was just beginning, The Outpost Tavern opened in Webster, Texas, at the corner of NASA Rd. 1 (no, there's not a NASA Rd. 2) and Egret Bay Blvd. This is just a stone's throw from the Johnson Space Center in Clear Lake, NASA one of the pillars of Houston culture since the Mercury days. Outpost was founded less than a decade after the last moon landing (about the same time from now back to 9/11 to put it in temporal perspective). But the area was invigorated with the new prospect of a Space Shuttle Program launching and a new era of space flight. In 1981, the JSC area only had a few neighborhoods, and very little social options, and The Outpost was a local watering hole that was unmatched outside of the Bonanza Steak House and Monterrey House Mexican Restaurant.

What The Outpost turned out to be a historical local bar, which astronauts, JSC management, engineers, and non-NASA locals frequented for decades. It became primarily known as the "hangout of astronauts". Touchdown parties were booked for every flight. When I was a co-op student working at JSC in the mid-1990's, several crew appreciation parties were held there (nothing like comped beer at 21 years old, shooting the breeze with astronauts). It was a place where "plain old" engineers were invited to mix with the crew and flight operations personnel to share in the celebration of a successful mission.

It had all the makings of a neighborhood bar. Memorabilia everywhere the eye could see, wood siding and primitive chairs and tables, a simple bar with a handful of taps, parking on pebbles or grass. For 28 years, locals shuffled in, day after day, to grab a little beer, some basic food made by the two or three staff while you waited, and share stories of design reviews, EVA excursions, and successful touchdowns. It was rumored that if you were selected to serve in the Astronaut corps, you opened a tab at The Outpost to kick off your journey, and didn't get to close it until you returned from your first mission. In the meantime, those "in the know" would run it up as an initiation rite. Good stuff.

So why would a place like this close? Well, the area outgrew it. There are more than a dozen other local bars, some chains, some independent, that far exceed it in accommodations, tap options, location, and "buzz". Slowly but surely, it no longer was "the place" to celebrate a successful mission, there were several other options that were easier to get to, had better parking, and more than two people cooking food. It's not to say they were more convenient or had better prices, they just slowly sucked the regular traffic away, and The Outpost slowly faded into irrelevance.

That's not to say if you stopped by you wouldn't have good time. It just wasn't the good time anymore.

A few snapshots from my last trip:

It might have been given up for dead in 2005, when in January it suffered a devestating fire that gutted the establishment. But through extreme vigilance by local fire departments, lots of services provided at cost by local contractors, and patron donations, the place opened within a week, a little bit worse for the wear, but back serving the community.

Flash forward to the present. As it turns out, during it's near 30 year run in the Bay Area, The Outpost never owned the land it resided on, nor was it an issue. Until 2009. When the property was sold to a developer. Unfamiliar with the new owners, The Outpost declared that they'd just go ahead and close, instead of waiting for the other shoe to fall and get a vacate notice. To be honest, it seemed a bit quick, as there was no indication that negotiations or intent were discussed with the new owners. But I would also respect that if the ownership after 30 years thought it was time. The Outpost time had past, they no longer wanted to endure the uncertainty, nor the economic downturn, or the prospect of selling it to someone who might turn it into a Chili's clone, and just use the name as a token for profit.

But this week, things took a very unexpected turn. In a bizarre twist of cultural respect and information release, it seems as if the new property owners have locked out the management, claimed no rent has been paid for two years, but vowed that they intent is to move the establishment to a very close location and "upgrade the place to make it more family oriented" (hopefully not another Chili's). The physical structure (which was obviously compromised and rebuilt in 2005, we're not talking about that much original here) was a WWII "quonset hut" (see above link) that could quite frankly be moved. Both side vow court action, which I know means lawyers will win (sorry Mr. Smokeypants). The original owners don't want The Outpost name to be used in vain, the new property owners seem to think they have rights to the structures on the property.

So we sit in flux. I'm not sure The Outpost has relevance anymore. However, when it was going to be closed, the calls for "national landmark" and "fundraising effort" resonated deep in the JSC community. But I personally think, "all good things must come to an end" and this was a prime example.

What happens next, remains to be seen. But a toast to a place not like any other!

“Beer may cause you to digress - and lead a happier life.” -- Michael Jackson

The pour inspired a perfect, thick, one inch head on top of a bright orange body. The carbonation was heavy and consistency clear when held slightly above the eyes. A gentile swirl of the glass released a peppery aroma on top of the notes of Pilsner malts and Belgian yeast. A second agitation reveals additional aromas of hops and candi sugar. The bouquet is not as prominent as a typical Saison style, but this is not a typical Saison.

The beer’s complexity unfolds as it wanders on the palate. No flavor really dominates despite the inclusion of sweet potatoes in the fermentation. The mouthfeel is characteristic of a Saison, with the carbonation allowing the spices and complex yeast flavors to dance on the tongue. The finish is interestingly dry, perhaps from the sweet potatoes. What does the addition of a starch do to beer anyway? If only I had bought two of these so I could try one after aging. As the beer warms, the sweet potato flavor emerges slightly.

At least that is how I remember Allagash Fluxus 2009 the day after. While time and sobriety allow for a more decorated story, more credible reviews than mine of nearly every beer available are readily available on RateBeer or Beer Advocate. Each can be accessed from your home computer or even your Smartphone of choice right from the liquor store aisle.

My internal battle… whether or not a review on a beverage is worth a blog post.

Will not a simple tweet do the trick?

theferm: Poured @Allagash Fluxus 09 tonight. Made w/ sweet potatoes & pepper. A slightly sweet & spicy Saison. 8.3%ABV. Recommend highly! #craftbeer

The web is littered with Joe Webloggers and their opinions on their favorite beverages. For the most part, the posts are about as interesting as reading about their family vacation or funny things their cat does. Here at TheFerm.org, our charter was to share drinking related experiences, but Google Analytics provides evidence that readers are more likely to land on the page if we mention Russian River’s “Blind Pig” than if we cover SAVOR. If the goal is to only attempt to share something about our passion for fermented beverages with the blog reading public, the clear move is to crank out short tasting notes posts.

I currently have two refrigerators full of beers that I am procrastinating drinking. Why? Because I feel obligated to write about the experience of my most interesting bottles. I suppose I can make a resolution to write more about my drinking endeavors while they are fresh, but drinking is a social affair (usually) and writing is a private matter. Come to think of it, this may explain why I have four unfinished blog entries sitting on my hard drive. But I digress…

Merry Christmas to all from The Ferm!

I was pleased to see at my local grocer a new progressive beer product, the "Pick Six" beer sampler. The a la carte beer buying technique gives the power to the consumer to assemble his or her favorite beers without being locked into six of 'em (or multiple six packs to satisfy varying tastes). As I offered before, I prefer to stay on one beer for more than one when enjoying multiples, but that doesn't mean there isn't room to try this out. After all, I'm a sucker for beer gimmicks.

Upon deciding to try it out once, I immediately gravitate toward things I haven't tried and may not like or things I know I like, but don't really want to go for the full six. After much consternation, I go with this lineup.


1) Kona Longboard
2) Sam Adams Black Lager
3) Guinness
4) Sapporo
5) Smithwicks
6) Spaten-Oktoberfest



Each has its reason...
1) I'd been dying to do a blind taste test b/w Longboard (a beer I vow to love) and St. Arnold Lawnmower (a beer I typically avoid, but had one saved in my fridge for just this reason). Results coming later in the blog, stay tuned.
2) I really like the Sam Black, but it's tough to drink more than one, perfect filler here
3) Guinness is always great on tap and they try the fancy little pellets, etc. to make it the same, another good add.
4) Love Sapporo when eating Hibachi grill or Sushi, just don't need six of 'em.
5) Solid beer, one of the better options.
6) Oktoberfest (which I own via the 2nd overall pick in the "Anything Mock Draught") has obviously come and gone and my taste buds stayed with it, but it was an Okt that I hadn't tried (or remembered trying). Getting one definitely a must in case I don't like the flavor.



I was mildly surprised at how much trouble I had filling out the six. By the time AB, Coors, and Miller products are eliminated (despite some tricks of theirs to make beers look like independent labels) there were a handful of imports or "meh" choices, stuff I try and enjoy all the time (some St. Arnold products, Fireman #4, Shiner, etc.). But I was happy with my six and all were enjoyed the following days. The Guinness was the biggest disappointment, the capsule thing sure didn't provide much carbonation, and it tasted flat. Nothing like the smooth flavor out of the draught. The rest were as advertised, enjoyed as something I don't usually get!

Before I move onto the second very loosely related part of the blog, a quick cost analysis shows that the "Pick Six" is not a bad deal. Each beer was priced at $1.49, so that's $8.94 for the six of them. If I were to buy a six pack of any of those, they were between $8.49 and $8.99. So the premium price paid for each is less than 10 cents a bottle, not bad in the grand pricing scheme (less than one cent per ounce).

As a follow up, I tried another "Pick Six" a week or so later, this time focusing on all German beers. I really had trouble finding much interesting and probably disliked half of what I picked. The next time I stopped by the aisle, the novelty had worn off and there wasn't much I really wanted to try that was new, and what I liked I'd prefer to get a sixer anyway. So there is a diminishing return associated.

So as for the taste test, I frequently execute home, blind taste tests, using a couple of sampler glasses and a coaster marked underneath with each. Most of the time to test myself rather than the beers, can I really tell the difference b/w two similar products of the same style.

While looking away, move the beers around in circle on their coaster enough times that my mind can't recall how many. Most times, I don't look at the beer before sampling, as hue or other visible factors might give it away.

So for this bout, in the Red Corner, we have the Hawaiian Puncher, the Lei Lager, the Pacific Rim Pilsner...Kona Longboard Lager!

In the Blue Corner, we have the Houston Hopiness, the Texas Titan, the Bayou City Beer...St. Arnold Lawnmower!

Versus

Blue Corner

Red Corner

And the winner is...it was honestly a tie. During the test I could barely distinguish, and after about four rounds, I guess which was which only half the time. Now I'm not a connoisseur by any means, purely amateur. But I'd say going forward I could buy either. This surprised me, I thought I'd be able to pick the St. Arnold flavor that is pervasive throughout their beer line, but I couldn't.

One disclosure regarding the test, the Longboard in your mainland store is brewed up in Oregon as I understand it. I first tried Kona from taps on Maui, brewed locally and (at least in my mind), vastly superior. Of course when drinking a beer in 80 degree sun on a Lanai with the beach a stone's throw away might have affected my mind! I also really prefer the Fire Rock Pale from Kona, but it gives me hangovers (and I usually don't get those) so I have to avoid. I've also tried the Wailua Wheat, which has a hint of passion fruit and is worth a try if you can find the seasonal spring brew.

J.R. Enjoys Kona Draft in various Maui bars

The "Pick Six" is a great way to do your own blind taste test, or try things you might not otherwise. I'm hoping my grocer mixes up the options a bit more frequently, or I'm probably not going to go that route very frequently. But all in all, a victory for beer drinkers, just having the option!

Hello, my name is K Dub, and I’m a stumbling homer. I know a lot of you might be saying to yourself, “What a responsible and handsome individual,” but let me be the first to tell you that stumbling home is a serious condition that is very difficult to treat. My wife sometimes says, “Why don’t you just say you’re ready to go instead of just disappearing in a stupor?” Unfortunately, I do not have a good answer for that question, perhaps it is just my style to leave in such an unorthodox fashion while under the influence.

That’s why I’m here today typing on the blog thing, as part of this month's The Session blog, to describe to the masses my three favorite methods for stumbling home. I’ll start with the easy one and work my way up to an advanced level of home finding. Try to remember that for most people stumbling home of all kinds has one common end game, going to sleep. Grab you pencil and paper because I’m about to learn you something, trust me, I’m not a doctor.

Method #1 – Get in a Fight with your Crazy Girlfriend, Walk one and a half miles back to your house and kick a hole in the bathroom door
· I would say that this is the most basic of stumbling homes that happens a lot more than you would think. There’s really not that much technique involved here, it basically involves that the stumbling homer consume adult beverages at his favorite bar for around six to ten hours. The next ingredient is that your manic-depressive girlfriend shows up and wants to leave and go have dinner somewhere else. You inform said girlfriend that you have already eaten, twice, and that you are no longer hungry. The girlfriend then begins to yell at you in front of all your friends, and since you’ve been paying the bartender cash, you simply place your beverage down and walk home. This eliminates the catalyst for your girlfriend’s anger and reduces the amount of whining that your friends have to listen to.
· Note that there is room for improvisation, one ‘accidentally spill’ beer on the girlfriend or even tell the girlfriend choice words before leaving, but doing these actions can spark further arguing by your girlfriend and continue your public humiliation.
· To really make this one fun try stumbling home in brand new boots that haven’t been broken in, that makes for a fun and exciting trip. Also, don’t forget to try and look sober, you never know if a police officer is watching you. Just keep telling yourself, to yourself not out loud, that ‘you are sober, and nobody will notice you if you just stay cool.’ Note that if you do get caught with a P.I. please understand that the police officer is only doing their job, serving and protecting the public and probably yourself.
· Once you’re home, you’ve got this one in the bag, you simply find the door that irritates you the most and test the structural integrity of the door approximately six to eight inches above the floor. Then all you need to do is your nightly routine and off to bed you go.

Method #2 – Have too much to drink and wait in the car for your wife/friend to drive you home
· This absolutely has to be one of my all time favorites which I have repeated on several occasions as I see fit. First of foremost you need to make sure that a) Your wife is very loving and patient or b) Your friend is trustworthy and won’t write anything on your face while you slumber in the car.
· Once you have the above taken care of the rest of the exercise can take a few steps to completely successfully. Go to a tolerable watering hole and enjoy yourself around your friends and accidentally consume a little too much. At this point ask for the keys but ensure the giving party that you DO NOT intend to drive and that all you would like to do is to, “lay down in the car for a while” or explain that “I’m done, want to go home.”
· If the driver for the evening is not willing to leave the good times just yet explain that you’ll just go to the car for a nap and that you do not feel sick, even if you do feel sick.
· At this point you need to remember how to get back to the vehicle (one may need to use techniques described in Method #3) and to make sure you look sober while walking (see Method #1).
· Once inside the vehicle there are many positions to assume for maximum comfort and deep relaxed sleep.
o Sitting in the front seat at a decline offers many advantages and is quite possibly the most popular. However this position can offer problems to backseat passengers and result in waking you up for a seat adjustment, resulting in anti-slumber. Another downside to this position is the sleep slump, which is where you slide down in the seat while sleeping which can result in a crick in your neck.
o Lying down in the backseat bench is also another favorite where one can almost spread out and achieve comfort in the fetal position. This is a highly recommended sleeping position during the winter months as the fetal position offers additional warmth be contained, ask Sirron about this, it’s his kind of engineering, not mine. Be careful with this one as seat belts can be a problem and a terrific nuisance.
o My personal favorite requires the use of an SUV of some sort where one will take over the rear cargo area (no third seat) with your human body. There is almost unlimited freedom of movement for various sleeping positions which is an important thing to the irritable drunk man. Scout out the location prior to slumber time as cargo areas attract trash, tire irons, speak boxes and other obstacles which may result in an unpleasant sleeping experience.
· When you reach the vehicle you just need to make yourself comfortable and wait for the ride home. Naps are of course completely natural and highly recommended at this point. Once at home proceed with your nightly routine and head off to bed, distractions such as Forest Gump on TV may be tempting to watch, but be strong and go to sleep.

Method #3 – Walk back to a hotel from a bar you’ve never been to in a city that you have never visited
· This method must only be completed by professional stumbling homers and should not be performed by amateurs under any circumstances. This method will include the use of handheld GPS devices (cell phones), unfamiliarity of your surroundings and severe lapses in judgment.
· Again, one should start while at a bachelor party (preferably your own) at a terrific bar that serves handcrafted artisanal fermented beverages (craft beer) in a City that you have never been to before. After you sit down and the room stops spinning you must quickly exit the bar without telling anyone what your intentions are or where you are going. Just get your belongings and out the door you go, do not divulge any information to your friends, they will only try to get you to stay out and party with them.
· Once you are about three blocks away from the bar and you realize that you are good and lost is when the cell phone with GPS becomes critical. A quick map search of your hotel will indicate that if you keep walking straight you will bump right in to it.
· Now again, distractions can play a negative part in this method as well but be mindful that you must stay strong. Such distractions include seeing a person asleep on the side of the road who looks so comfortable and thinking that it would be a good idea to cuddle up for a good night’s rest or even a photo opportunity. These distractions will only bring you down and might get you in fisticuffs with others, that’s why it is highly advised to stay the course and get back to the hotel as quickly and safely as possible.
· Please note that this method can be very disorientating and may result in cries for help or a taxi, but with some preliminary practice this is a very achievable stumbling home method.

While there are many other approaches, techniques and skills on successful home stumbling that’s all we have time, and space, for today. Maybe one day in the near future I can share “How to stumble home in your going out clothes from the night before” the ever popular “How to fall down in the street in your suit while leaving a wedding reception” and a one time favorite, “How to talk yourself out of stumbling to the Capitol.”

Until then, stay classy and walk the line.

This is NOT intended to be a "best sports bar" or "J.R.'s Sports Bar Picks", but rather a generic discussion of what makes a great Sports Bar, using examples of specific places I like with balanced criticism of what I don't like about each.

First of all, the Sports Bar is the perfect marriage of two of life's greatest rewards. For the average sports fan, we basically work and toil all day, be it at our jobs, raising our kids, volunteering in our neighborhoods, mentoring students, etc. With the one goal, that at the end of the day, we can sit back, have a cold one, and watch some sort of entertaining sporting event on TV. Which one can do just about any day of the year, except the day before and after the major league all star game. In which, WNBA is your only option, and let's face it, that's about 2 years from folding. Christmas Day is a bit light for me, too. I mean after the presents and before dinner, what am I supposed to do? Nevermind, different subject for a different blog. But Thanksgiving has it right, IMO.



So what makes a great Sports Bar? Several factors. In rough order of preference for me, a good sports bar needs:

1) High technology TV's and a lot of them
2) Management that analyzes the sports watching needs of the customers
3) Staff that is plentiful enough to easily provide food and drink to the patrons
4) Knowledgeable clientele
5) Lots of tables and seating
6) Location







For each, we delve further:
1) High technology TV's and a lot of them

Nothing kills sports watching quicker than not having TV's that I can see from any place in the joint. A place opened near me recently titled "All Sports Bar". I venture in there, and every TV is 40" or less and none are lower than 15' in the air. I was squinting and shrugging, how am I supposed to watch the game? Within' months it changed to "Baja Bar", abandoning the sports theme and going with the night club theme.

2) Management that analyzes the sports watching needs of the customers

Nothing is more frustrating than going to a bar to see a game, noticing that the game of choice is not on, and having management kind of shrug their shoulders and say that they can't change it. Two examples, I recall Mr. Smokeypants and I (maybe Sirron was there) wandered into a wing establishment in which the waitresses were wearing a lot of orange. We thought they might have the Longhorns/Red Raiders hoops game. After not finding it, we simply asked if it might be put on. Our waitress didn't seem very interested in helping us, so after some consternation, we made a call to another wing joint (Let's just say the wings were "Wild") and they said "OF COURSE" we have the Longhorns game on, we're in Houston, right? Cha-ching. Just last weekend I wandered into a bar in Austin (which will be discussed later) that rhymes with Cluckers. We simply requested the Texas Tech/Oklahoma State game. Initially blown off (manager told us all games currently on were requested, they'd change it as soon as one ended), we did get the game. But in Austin TX, the management should have cut that random Pac 10 game that nobody was really watching and given us the most interesting Big XII South game of the day. Instead, we got to watch OU cackle at A&M until it ended.

3) Staff that is plentiful enough to easily provide food and drink to the patrons

The best sports bars I've been to have a very attentive staff, my cup is never empty, food orders and delivered fast and accurately, and I'm not having to navigate my way to the bar for lack of service. Deal killer any other way.

4) Knowledgeable clientele

Let's face it, we want to go to a Sports Bar where we feel like we're watching the game(s) with friends. It's frustrating to be at a so called sports bar, but find that nobody is "really" watching the game, people are asking why ER isn't on one of the TV's (wow, that dated me), a big play happens and nobody really reacts, etc. The best sports bars are ones in which you walk in, and there are lots of people like you, very interested in the game(s), knowledgeable, may or may not be cheering for the team you are, but in tune with the game at hand.

5) Lots of tables and seating

You can have all of the above, but for me to enjoy a game in full, I need a place to sit, or at least put my beer down. I've seen some very good bars that were all standing, or the seats were in the corner and it really took away. You need to have tables and seats, they need to have TV's in full view, and waitstaff attending them. Period.

6) Location

You could have the best sports bar in the world, but if it's in Washington DC SE (no offense), I'm not going. A corollary of this is that, the bar is best very near your residence. I acknowledge that some of the best sports bars in Houston, are, well, in Houston. Last night I was looking to find a place to watch the Colorado/Okie State game, and the folks I was looking with decided that the best bars were downtown, for a weeknight it wasn't worth the drive, and that we'd just do better watching at home. If there was a place right around the corner, we would have been there.

All that being said, here are some of my favorite (or frequented despite flaw) sports bars, and how they rate on a scale of 1-5 for each category. Each bar I've been to (occasions cited)

1) Home Plate Bar and Grill, 1800 Texas Ave, Houston, TX
My usual stop before Astros game (mini-season ticket holder)

One of two major bars right outside the gates at Minute Maid Park. According to Google, it's literally 400 feet away from home plate (that's just a football field plus end zones, with the white part). This is my preferred place to the other one, more abundant A/C, more intimate feeling, etc. But without further ado, how it ranks:

1 - (4) Good number of TV's and one projection. Whenever I'm there, I'm seeing the game
2 - (5) Always have the best games on, admittedly I only go during MLB when MLB is prominant
3 - (3) Average service, sometimes slow, other times you can't get a bartenders attention
4 - (5) Fans there are in tune with the games on. Nobody is there to watch ER
5 - (3) Some tables, popular times you can't find a seat, but most times you can
6 - (4) Strong location in terms of Minute Maid Park, weaker for being downtown

2) Pluckers Wing Bar 2222 Rio Grande Austin, Texas
Frequent stop before Longhorn games, went there last week after Baylor game

Used to be a hole in the wall, now a full-fledged sports bar.

1 - (4) Good number of TV's in the right spots. Missing a feature TV
2 - (4) Willing to switch games, but not having Tech/OSU on last week gets a 1 pt deduct
3 - (5) Can't say my beer has ever been dry there, staff is plentiful
4 - (3) Half the crowd are Greeks looking for action, not games.
5 - (5) Tables everywhere, bar has great tables, too.
6 - (5) I used to live blocks from here, great location and now with a parking garage

3) Brittany's Sports Bar 12449 Dillingham Square, Woodbridge, VA
After our softball games, or after Potomac Cannons minor league games (now Potomac Nationals). Full disclosure, this bar sponsored my softball team for years. But I can be fair...

1 - (3) TV's are abound, when I was there not necessarily enough or flat enough.
2 - (5) NFL games are catered to the crowd, labels are on each TV as to what game will be on at what time.
3 - (5) Staff was always top notch (and we got discounts for wearing the uniform)
4 - (4) Almost a 5, but there are parts that aren't watching the game. I did see a guy "charge the screen" and scream once b/c his favorite NASCAR driver got wrecked. That's intense.
5 - (5) Tables right where you need them.
6 - (5) In a nice area, close to where I lived, etc.

4) MGM Sportsbook 3799 S. Las Vegas Blvd. Las Vegas, NV
Flew into Vegas before the 1/1/2005 Rose Bowl, watched #4 Tech beat #4 California here (Tech's #4 is in the Big XII South).

A bit of a curveball here. A sportsbook? Bear with me.

1 - (5) TV's everywhere. EVERYWHERE. It's their livelihood.
2 - (5) Every game on somewhere.
3 - (4) Drinks are free with gambling, but you might be dry for a while.
4 - (4) Would be a "5" for those with action, but there are too many others not betting who don't care.
5 - (3) Plenty of seats, but no real food options and no table atmosphere.
6 - (4) Great Vegas location, but anything in Vegas is hard to get to really.

5) The Library, 501 South Mill Avenue, Suite 101, Tempe, Arizona
The days before and after the Jan. 2009 Fiesta Bowl

1 - (4) TV's everywhere, but not quite prominent enough
2 - (4) Diversity of games good, nothing outstanding
3 - (5) Staff dressed very attractively (see link above) and attentive
4 - (3) Fair bit of the crowd really isn't watching the game.
5 - (3) Not a lot of good tables with good views. Bar is good, though.
6 - (5) In the heart of the entertainment district in Tempe, near the trolley.

6) Sports Harbour 13484 Washington Blvd, Marina Del Rey, CA
The days before and after the 1/1/2005 Rose Bowl

This bar sucked. It was within walking distance from our hotel. But it sucked. My review will reflect that (just to show there can be bad). Why I kept going back night after night I don't know. We did meet an interesting bisexual "couple" of ladies.

1 - (2) A few primitive TV's around.
2 - (1) So few TV's, I can't imagine they could cover a wide variety
3 - (4) The staff was adequate, big bar to serve.
4 - (1) Rough, rough crowd. I remember I got hit on by skanks and one guy.
5 - (1) Tables were crappy.
6 - (3) Bad neighborhood, but near my hotel. Split the difference.

7) ESPNZone, Washington, DC
At first I thought that this would be the future of sports bars, but I saw flaws.

1 - (5) TV's everywhere. Including over the urinal
2 - (4) Slight bias toward ESPN events
3 - (3) Service is very average
4 - (4) Big sports crowd as one might expect, but not outstanding
5 - (3) Lots of tables, but you can't get them for any big event.
6 - (4) Great locale, but tough to get to for suburbanites.

8) Champs Sports Bar, 3956, boulevard Saint-Laurent, Montreal, QC
Was in town for a work conference, it so happened it WAS the All Star Game (2008) so I found the best reviewed sports bar in the largest city in French speaking Canada and this review ensued.

1 - (4) TV's abundant, but not as many as there could be.
2 - (4) Tough to say, only one game on, but I think they cater to the crowd.
3 - (5) Service was as good as I've ever experienced.
4 - (3) Cultural difference here, fans were more interested in who played for the Expos than the game.
5 - (4) Tables looked abundant, it was kinda dead.
6 - (4) It was in the heart of an entertainment district.

9) Nick's Place, Rockyridge and Westheimer, Houston, TX
Multiple visits.

1 - (5) TV's are as good as they come
2 - (5) Were able to watch UFC, NHL playoffs, and NBA playoffs all at the same time.
3 - (4) Service good, but they could use a few more servers.
4 - (5) Fans here are the salt of the sports earth
5 - (4) Tables everywhere they can stick them, but it's not that big of a place.
6 - (4) A bit tough to get to, but neighborhood-ey.

10) You living room, your house, anywhere USA.
Another curve ball? Maybe the best place to watch is closer than you think?

1 - (?) I haven't been to your living room, but you set the tone here.
2 - (1) At best you would have two TV's
3 - (5) Food and drink are plentiful and cheap
4 - (4) You set the company, only reason it's not a "5" is b/c you're probably alone.
5 - (5) Big, comfortable couches with great views.
6 - (5) Can't beat the location for staggering to bed.

So if I were to rank the places I've been, assuming all categories equal (which they're not), the pts would be:
27 - Brittany's, Woodbridge
27 - Nick's Place, Houston
26 - Pluckers, Austin
25 - MGM, Vegas
24 - Home Plate, Houston
24 - The Library in Tempe
24 - Champs Sports Bar, Montreal
23 - ESPN Zone, Washington, DC
20+? - Your living room
12 - Sports Harbour, MDR, CA (that place sucked)

I do believe I am still in search of the "perfect" sports bar, there is always room for improvement. But follow the basic six criteria above, and I think someone can achieve it!

I know that you are going to a better place, but selfishness is the greatest curse of the human race, and I want you back. For a brief moment I would like to step aside from the typical drinking related content provided at The Ferm and eulogize on your magnificence. Never have I wanted a Hoffy Burger and a 1560 The Beer so bad…

For the reader that has not yet heard the news, Chance McClain and his closest of creative buddies have made a prequel to the online cult hit Dr. Horrible's Sing-Along Blog... and it may be one of the greatest, most inspired, and whimsically hilarious fanmade movie ever recorded.

I was among several hundred that gathered to see the World Premier of Horrible Turn (follow the link to watch the movie online) last night, and it was there I caught what may be my last sighting of Chance McClain and Frank Bullington, or Chank. If it was not known when this film project began, certainly it became known last night: We do not deserve Chank. Chank has an excess of creativity. The laboratory from which Chank once secretly worked at 1560 The Game is no longer equipped to support Chank's capacity.

To think Chank should continue cranking out humorous commercials, collegiate fan songs, and catchy Houston sports hero tunes is to be greedy. Chank's passion and vision is infectious, and on this 11-10-09 (or Horrible Turn Premier +1 -- HTP+1) I bid a fond farewell. Good luck. It was nice having songs about granite counter-tops stuck in my head for days at a time. May a flight of angels sing thee to thy… throne, or wherever you will land. You will be missed *sniff*

update: Entertainment Weekly gives Horrible Turn some serious props...
'Dr. Horrible' prequel is fan-made -- and fantastic

I should admit upfront that my beer expertise comes only from consumption. Oh, and Sirron is my big brother. He asked me to take a stab at an entry discussing "the role a label plays in framing a beer" for this month's Session, hosted this month by Andrew at I'll Have a Beer. Here are a couple of my beer-related thoughts on the topic:

A beer’s brand exists with or without a label, a name, or even a bottle. In fact, brands live in the minds of consumers, not producers. Producers (or corporations, more like it) spend a lot of money trying to steer brands to their advantage. This is a good thing for my parents and their guest bedroom because, if corporations didn’t, I would be unemployed.

The big secret is that producers will never have complete control of a brand’s identity. It's about the experience, other people's opinions, pop culture, beer trends, etc. While using a can instead of bottle (gasp) or featuring a saint instead of a mountain scene (Can someone tell me why so many microbrews have wildlife on their labels?) can help explain the vision to a consumer, it will never tell the whole story.

While I’m a sucker for clever packaging (Sirron’s elaborate gift wrap of a Mariah Carey CD circa Christmas 1991 may take the cake), I think the lack of it is what the homebrew brand is all about.

On this -- this seemingly average October but post-Oktoberfest hump day -- Mayor Bill White bestowed upon the city of Houston a day celebrating our beloved local brewery.

October 28, 2009 is now officially Saint Arnold Brewing Company Day.

For me this is a day not just to celebrate, but a day to recognize the achievements of Brock Wagner and crew. I readily admit that I have been critical of the Saint Arnold brewery in the past. But today is a day to reflect upon and honor Texas' oldest craft brewery, much like Americans gather on Thanksgiving to forgive the Native Americans for giving the Pilgrims dysentery and thank them for sharing Pocahontas... or when we invite semi-distant relatives into our home for a meal with three dozen side dishes and forget that they did not even bother to send a card on our birthday.

For this reason I have decided to pull out a bottle of every remaining Divine Reserve that I have in the beer cellar and try them again. There is no better day than Saint Arnold Day to reassess my relationship with the brewery's limited offerings.

The Lineup

Divine Reserve No. 1
Style: Barleywine; Cases Made: 327; Date Brewed: August 18, 2005; Date Bottled: October 17, 2005; Original Gravity: 1.099; Final Gravity: 1.027; Alcohol: 9.3% ABV
Smells nice. Pours brown and typical of a barleywine. Taste up front is sharp, with hops and alcohol attacking the palette first and then mellowing into malty and woody flavors. The beer is not too sweet, rather a complex raisin-like flavor prevails. My only complaints are that it seems thin for a barleywine and there are a ton of yum yums floating in the bottle. Overall, my first apology has now been filed.




Divine Reserve No. 3
Style: Double IPA; Cases Made: 542 Date Brewed: July 17, 2006 Date Bottled: September 21, 2006 Original Gravity: 1.082 Final Gravity: 1.010 Alcohol: 9.5% ABV Malts: Maris Otter, Wheat, Caravienne, Carapils and Dark Crystal Other Sugars: Honey, Molasses Hops: Chinook, Centennial, Ahtenum, Cascades
I am a big Belgian beer fan, and DR#2 was a bit of a disappointment as a "keeper," at least that is my excuse for not pulling back one of the sixer that I bought. To make up for it, I bought over a case of DR#3, the 2IPA. The orange color seems about right for the style. Not overly hoppy on the nose. Well balanced flavor, but something is off with this beer. I cannot pinpoint if it is the beer itself or the stiff competition in this style. If memory serves me right, age has not improved my impression of this beer.




Divine Reserve No. 4
Style: Wee Heavy; Cases Made: 823; Date Brewed: December 20, 2006; Date Bottled: February 20, 2007; Original Gravity: 1.0835; Final Gravity: 1.021; Alcohol: 9.5% ABV
I was only a wee bit excited when I found out the fourth iteration of the DR series would be a Wee Heavy. It is just not my favorite style. I cannot really remember my original evaluation of this beer, but I can tell you my current evaluation is a huge thumbs up. This beer is much more flavorful, rich even, than typical beers of this style. Smoky, dark, complex... bravo!




Oktoberfest (2007)
While digging in the back of the shelf holding my reserved Divine Reserves, I found a two year old Oktoberfest. This is one of my favorite of Saint Arnold's seasonals, so I decided to have it bat clean-up in my Saint Arnold Day lineup. Measuring in at only 6.0% ABV, this is the "light beer" tonight. It is sweet and malty with notes of caramel. Since this is one of my favorites, I wish I knew why I felt this year's offering was not as good as previous years', such as this '07 gem. I hope the variance is only in my head.

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Sincere congratulations to all the staff and volunteers at Saint Arnold Brewing Company. Keep up the good work.

Next year... parade!